#hope akutagawa reaches atsushi too

[daniraevys]

Oh Atsushi... poor Atsushi.

Atsushi blaming himself for his friends deaths.

Atsushi accepting his own death.

Atsushi following his friends in death.

Oh god, I wanted somebody to save Atsushi.

But it had to be Fyodor fucking Dostoyevsky acting as a saviour!

[kunikinnie]

Hiii! How are you? Hope you are well! I was searching through Fukuzawa X reader's tag and I saw your headcanons for "accidently hurting their SO" and it was soooo cute!! Are your requests open, by any chance? If they are, is there any chance you could write headcanons with the same prompt, but with Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa and Atsushi? If they are not, just know that you are a great writer and I just loved your work!!

a/n: HELLO I'M ALIVE! sorry these SO LONG but here they are :) some of them might be ooc but ahkdjsf also if you're curious i was reading Spinning Gears while writing Aku's so ye

warnings: profanity, mentions of violence, blood, very angsty for some, probably ooc

accidentally hurting their s/o during an argument

featuring: Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Atsushi x GN!Reader

Dazai Osamu

There was something uncertain that stirred something deep within him - something he couldn't bring himself to face.

It could've been anything: the staleness of the air, the lingering aftertaste of the shitty coffee he had that morning, an intrusive thought he left uncontrolled, the sadness of the setting sun...

Not knowing the source bothered him. It bothered him so much that although words were flying exasperatedly throughout the room, he had regressed into his own mind.

It was the wrong move. He had underestimated how powerful the darkness was, and as it continued to grow like a whirlpool, he was swallowed into an ocean of abandoned thoughts.

He hadn't felt like this in years. Memories and voices from those times reverberated so strongly that nothing from the current moment could touch him. He didn't even have any idea what was happening.

Yet just a single phrase had managed to penetrate, and as soon as it hit it had triggered something despicable.

It was the silence that followed that snapped him out of it, not the stinging sensation at the back of his hand.

You slowly slumped down the wall and onto the floor. Not for a single moment did your stunned expression or blank eyes waver - in your silent tears flowed the last drops of your energy.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. Why were you apologizing? It was he who had done wrong, so why-

"Y/N..." he weakly called out, only to be met with another apology.

"Y/N, I'm sorry..."

He fell down to his knees before tightly embracing your whole body. He apologized once more, yet you didn't even stir. Another attempt amounted to nothing. Desperate to feel something from you, his grasp on you tightened further.

"Y/N, I love you-"

How many times had he said that? Countless times at this point, countless. Each and every one was as genuine as it could get - he hoped you knew that - yet none of them seemed to reach the same level of sincerity and regret to those declarations of those moments.

For all the eloquent speech this man had cultivated over the years, there he was, repeating the same three words over and over again - each iteration once more getting twice as desperate - until finally your hand grasped his shirt.

He could still feel your tears flowing freely, but at least you relaxed somewhat, letting him relax somewhat as well.

"I love you too," you weakly replied. "I love you so much... idiot..."

No words were exchanged after that; perhaps none were needed, or rather none existed that could fill in that need. The whole night he never let you go - not even once - as you two reconciled in each other's presence in silence.

Nakahara Chuuya

It's no secret that Chuuya's temper was more volatile than his favorite wine. Depite that, however, he doesn't let his emotions get the better him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have made it this far in the mafia hierarchy.

Today was different. The stressful events of the week left him with hardly any room to breathe, and an argument at home was the last thing he needed.

"Can't you handle that shit yourself, Y/N?!"

He knew that you knew that there were times, such as now, when he should not be approached. So why were you here, being more insistent than ever?

The tone of your voice was already rubbing off of him, and you just had to-

"Fucking hell-"

Without thinking, he kicked the chair beside him. The poor thing managed to take most of his anger, but a piece of debris had unfortunately broken off and flew, hitting you squarely on the face.

It was in such unbelievably perfect timing that Chuuya thought at first his mind had come this stupid situation until he heard your scoff clearly.

"What the-"

Before you could process what had happened, he ran to you and grabbed you into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N."

You just stood there, still confused. Your forehead stung a bit, but it was nothing compared to the warmth you were enveloped in all of the sudden. You had expected a raging anger and frustration from Chuuya but it just... disappeared.

"Shit- I really didn't mean to, Y/N. I'm sorry-"

Were you relieved to hear that from him? Sure, a bit. But what about the fury that was all-consuming just a while ago? What were you to do with that?

Your silent rumination only unsettled him more. If he clueless as to what you were thinking, he would be just as lost as with what to do.

"Let's go over it again, okay? I'm not going to get mad this time."

More than the chair, it was his words that he flung at you that upset him the most now that he was sober from his emotions.

"I swear I won't get mad. So talk to me. Please. Y/N-"

He was vigorously but gently shaking your shoulder all the while, hoping to get something from you.

And he finally did - but a loud laugh was not what he expected.

"This is so stupid."

It was his turn to be confused. Yes, it was stupid - stupid of him to have done any of that - but he had no idea what you meant by that.

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your head in his neck. "I mean - a flying piece of broken chair? Really?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N-"

"I'm also sorry," you finally said calmly. "I knew you've been stressed recently, but I-"

"It's still my fault. It ain't your fault."

"No. It's mine."

"The heck are you saying?"

You stared at him again, pouting this time yet barely able to contain your laughter.

"Tsk. We are not going to fight over this," he answered playfully.

As quickly as the tension built so did it dissipate - a feature of most of your quarrels that the two of you were grateful to have.

You embraced him tightly once more. "I'm so lucky to have you, Chuuya."

Although you couldn't see his face, you could feel his smile spread. "Same here."

"I love you, Chuuya."

He loosened his grip on you before kissing you on the forehead. "I love you too."

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

You both knew this would happen eventually. Yet that didn't make things any easier when it did.

The rage had blinded him instantly; he didn't even realize it happen. Within a split second there was a reddish-black flash and a small familiar gasp.

The scent of blood triggered such a vivid vision for him. You had fallen to the floor soundlessly, and there you were lying lifelessly. It was a vision he'd seen many times before - in lucid moments, in delirium, oftentimes in his sleep.

It couldn't be real this time... could it? By instinct, he covered his right eye with his hand. There he still saw the same bloody scene, while on the left eye he saw that there was nothing in front of him: no pool of blood and no motionless corpse. But as what always happened when he tried to disillusion himself, a headache then formed.

Only letting himself relax a bit, Akutagawa began to slowly look for you. He was sure there was blood spilled - although his eyes failed him, his nose never did. The same goes for all his other senses, it seemed, and so he let those four lead them to you.

He landed in front of a mahogany door. The sobbing and shuffling were unmistakable to him despite the thickness of the wood muffling the sounds significantly. He carefully approached and knocked on it lightly before calling out your name.

"Y/N...?"

The whimpering did not stop in the slightest, shaking him further. What if you weren't actually there and his hearing became unreliable as well?

"Y/N, please answer. I need to know you're there..."

His eyes saw fresh blood ooze out of the gap between the door and the floor. No. There was nothing there; his nose and fingers confirmed it. Shit. His delusions were getting worse even if both of his eyes were closed.

"Y/N, please... forgive me-"

There was no way you could, he thought. You shouldn't, you wouldn't, and if it was true that he had hurt you let alone kill you, then he wouldn't forgive himself either.

The gentle creak of the door jolted him despite how soft and slow you opened the door. He was met by a disheveled and tear-stricken you, blood slowly dripping down from your left arm. So many words flashed by in his vision but the only one that came out of his lips was your name.

"Y/N..."

His hand slowly reached for you - although where it aimed to touch it had no idea - as he waited for any sign from you to stop. You seemed fine with it, and his fingers ended up softly landing on the wound. It was just a graze, fortunately, however the bleeding was still continuous.

He unleashed Rashoumon to wrap and put pressure on the wound. "We should get you to a hospital," he said in a low and gentle voice.

You two wordlessly walked to the nearest clinic, almost wordlessly had your wound treated, and just as silently went back home. The entire time his still persistent headache throbbed along with the worries of what exactly it was you were thinking then. How could you still be okay with this? Or were you already planning to leave him then and there? If that was the best for you, then he had no choice than to accept it.

"Ryuu..." It was so affectionate that he thought he was delusional again. "How's your headache?"

His eyes widened at your words. How did you notice that? "It's not so terrible," he replied weakly. Really, it should be him asking how you were.

"That's good."

Before you entered your own room, he pulled on your other arm (gently) to explain himself. His delusions have been getting worse, that's why his instincts targeted you in his anger. That's what happened, wasn't it? But making such excuses was for weak men, and weak as he may be he couldn't bring himself to waste your sanity any further. He decided to apologize, but he ended up staring intensely into your eyes the entire time.

"It's alright. It's really alright."

"It isn't," he quickly asserted. "And it won't happen again."

Your smile, although weak from that night's endeavors, seemed genuine enough to him. It truly must have been real with the way it somehow subsided his headache. Still, it wasn't enough to wipe away the guilt.

And so he had decided to sleep on the couch: a preemptive measure and act of penance. But it wasn't like he could actually sleep after what happened. Most likely he would've spent the entire night reflecting on the incident and on ways to make it up to you.

"What are you doing?" There was a mix of curiosity, confusion, and amusement in your voice. "I've been waiting for you."

Without waiting for him to reply, you pulled on his arm and dragged him to bed. Your arms then wrapped themselves tightly on his waist.

"...isn't it dangerous? I might hurt you again." He was referring to his dreams affecting his physical sleeping, but his mind had pinned a larger meaning to it.

"You might," you answered nonchalantly. "But knowing you, it would never be intentional."

The gentle weight of your head on his chest had always soothed him. "You trust me too much."

"I do. It's because I love you too much, you know?"

You heard a small scoff, but even if you couldn't see his face you knew it accompanied a small smile.

"I don't know how rough you're having it right now, but please know that my love for you is real... just as I know your love for me is real."

Oh, if only you knew how much those words mattered to him- no. It would be too much.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered as he embraced you tighter.

"I love you too." You then snuggled deeper into his chest. "Good night, Ryuu. Sweet dreams."

Nakajima Atsushi

Atsushi was always afraid that he'd hurt you some way or the other, and so he was always extremely careful with anything that involved you. Even in arguments he did his best to collect himself (not that he got THAT angry anyway - most of the time he just becomes sad) and not break down in front of you spontaneously.

That's why he wasn't sure why he got so worked up this time. Perhaps everything has just been overwhelming recently and you getting angry at him was simply the final straw. Was he truly such a failure at everything to everyone?!

He was grasping a glass of milk to drink and calm himself when the frustration rushed through his blood. His grip tightened and shattered the glass, spilling liquid, shards, and blood everywhere.

Of course, you somehow quickly remained level-headed and tried to attend to his injury.

"Wait let me see your-"

As soon as your hand grazed his, he swatted it away with great force. Leave me alone, it screamed, and you heard the message loud and clear. Too clear, perhaps, since you took a few steps back to counter the impact.

Your silent and intense stare was what brought him out of it. Just the idea of hitting you, let alone that powerfully, was just so unimaginable to him that he began to break down.

It must've been the tiger's uncontrollable strength again - it's always been that. Whenever he loses control himself it's that wild beast that takes over, causing Atsushi to commit acts of savergy.

But there was no ability at that moment. There was no tiger. There was nothing to blame it on, except himself. By instinct, he retreated to himself and fell to the floor, staring at nothing in particular.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N, I didn't know what I was thinking-"

His stammering and shivering were so intense - it was unlike anything you've seen before. Apology after apology came, but did the complete opposite of relieving you.

You slowly approached him, wondering if you should try and touch him again. Usually your gentle shoulder rubs were enough to calm him down.

"Atsushi...?"

More than being hurt once again, you were more afraid that he'd regressed into that place again.

You tried to snap him out of it slowly: gently talking to him, reassuring him, trying to convince him that you weren't going anywhere despite what happened and will happen.

And by some miracle it worked. His tear-stricken eyes met yours, and the softness in them finally returned.

"Are you okay?" You asked once more.

"Y-yeah, I'm fi- No, wait. Are you okay?"

His hand instinctively shot up to check your hand and arm, but it stopped right before it grazed your skin. What the heck was thinking, trying to grab you right after that?

"Oh, don't worry too much. I'm fine. There's no wound and it probably won't bruise."

Atsushi wanted to breathe easily after hearing you say that but there was more to the question that needed answering. Thankfully, you caught on quickly.

"I swear, I'm fine." You smiled at him again and gently pat his head. "You've apologized enough. So let's just clean up this mess, okay?"

Before you could even attempt to stand up, he practically grabbed you and squeezed your whole being as he buried his head in your neck.

"Thank you, Y/N." He whispered before hugging you even tighter. "I love you so, so much. I promise I'll do better next time."

You returned the gesture. Awgh. How much your heart swelled despite what happened. "I love you too, Atsushi."

Taglist: @stygianoir, @irethepotato, @kisara-16reblogs, @thatdazaikin, @dazaee, @menshusband, @celestair, @bloobewy, @kunikida-simp

[soupthatistohot]

BSD 109 Spoilers!!!

I will always always ALWAYS come back to this panel when talking about Asagiri’s storytelling.

At its very core, BSD is an absurdist text, Kafka Asagiri having been inspired by many absurdist authors. Franz Kafka, who he took his pseudonym from is one of them. Albert Camus, basically the most well-known absurdist is referenced with the Mersault prison, the name of which comes from a character in his most famous absurdist work, The Stranger. 

Absurdism is the belief that the world around us is irrational and inherently absurd and that explicitly seeking meaning is pointless. In his essay The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus explains, that there is value in the act of rebellion, though. Sisyphus, who has been doomed to roll a boulder up a mountain only for the boulder to tumble back down each time he reaches the peak, finds meaning in the act of continuing to push the boulder. Even though he will continue this cycle for all of eternity, he doesn’t just lay down and give up, he rebels against the absurdity of his situation by continuing to push the boulder, despite the seemingly futile nature of the act. 

As I said earlier, BSD is an absurdist text. All of the animanga’s main characters are on a journey of discovering their meaning in life, and their place in the world, and they do this by rebelling against its absurdity — especially Dazai. 

Dazai sees the absurd world for what it is, and when he was in the PM, he hated it. Thus, he sought suicide as a solution. I will note here that absurdists generally view suicide as a failure to rebel against the absurd, just giving up and giving into hopelessness. But ever since Dazai left the PM and took Oda’s advice, he’s been rebelling against this, doing good despite his inherent beliefs about morality and the world, and he’s absolutely gotten better for it. 

Other characters embody this idea of rebelling against the absurd, hell, that’s kinda what this whole arc is about. The world is literally ending, and things seem to be at their absolute worst, but someone like Atsushi still has hope that he can change the minds of the hunting dogs and save reality as we know it. He even has hope that he can get through to a vampiric Akutagawa when the guy is literally brainwashed and attacking him. Aya as the “last hope” right now embodies this, too, deciding that she can’t just sit around and do nothing and then trying to remove the sword from Bram even though the effort appears futile. 

But everything is going wrong right now. Fukuzawa is bleeding out, Dazai has just been shot through the forehead and appears to have died, Atsushi’s had his limbs ripped off and is at Akutagawa’s mercy, and Fukuchi is literally going to end the world! How can we have hope?!

Think about BSD. Think about the story that’s been told so far. Surely Asagiri isn’t killing everyone right now, surely the world isn’t gonna actually end. I’m not entirely convinced Aya’s plan is gonna work— but please consider that the point of absurdist storytelling is that even when everything seems to be at its worst, even when life seems completely meaningless, there is inherent meaning in still continuing to fight against this. 

BSD has never been a story where the villains win, and I don’t think it’s gonna start being one. I think, as usual, Asagiri wants to scare us, to make us feel hopeless about the situation, only for someone to pull through and completely turn the tides.

Dazai laying down and accepting his death at Chuuya’s hands is not going to be the end of his story, because it goes against everything Asagiri seems to stand for. Dazai wouldn’t just give up in his fight against Fyodor, because he needs to prove he’s right about what he says in this panel:

"The ones who actually make the world turn are those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood."

I think this reflects Asagiri's own beliefs and is also the reason why he is not going to let Dazai die like this, because in a way, that would be proving that Fyodor is right. From a storytelling perspective, it’d be saying “everything I’ve communicated up to this point actually means nothing and life is truly hopeless!” 

Dazai has cheated death before, as has basically everyone else in danger right now. I promise you, something is going to happen and they’re all going to survive, because BSD is not trauma porn, for lack of a better term. It’s a story about how a group of people fight against the absurdity of their reality, even when everything seems completely and utterly hopeless. 

There’s a lot of theories circulating about how things could work out, especially Dazai’s “death,” and I’m not here to repeat all of them, but I will say that a lot of them have credence, especially because Asagiri isn’t the type of author to make mistakes, every single detail has a distinct reason. 

So even though I don't know how things are going to work out, I have full faith that they will, including Dazai's current situation. None of these characters are done just yet, they've got too much fight left in them to just give up.

[original twt thread]

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

Types of Affections

Them and how they show each type of Affection. Ft Dazai, Ranpo, Atsushi, Chuuya and Akutagawa

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

PORT MAFIA

MASTERLIST

HEADCANONS

words of affirmation

✧Dazai would whisper the sweetest things to you before you sleep asleep in his arms, snuggling on his chest as you both hug each other in the middle of the night. He personally would compliment you every time you met, his loversick eyes never leaving yours as you both hold hands.

✧Ranpo, is a type of a person who makes the whole world know he loves you. Everyone deserves to know how the great detective loves his S/O. He would shout how he cannot live without Y/N's presence and how much you care about him.

✧Atsushi, despite being the shy guy of this, makes sure you hear how much he respects you, loves you and that he was happy to finally have someone who accepted his flaws. Your words always made him calm, and he hoped his words did that too.

✧Chuuya would make sure you are heard how much he loves you, as he would say 'I love you so much Y/N' every time you return from the mission. He may have difficulty putting right choice of words, but once he is drunk he makes sure you hear everything he has for you. He love you damn so much Y/N.

✧Akutagawa, is not the one to be one with words, but he makes sure you are okay after any mission you do, his body despite trying to hide his concern for you, his eyes showed you how much he worries for you, and once in a while he would slip up how much he is happy to have you.

acts of service

✧Dazai, despite being termed as one of the most laziest people by most people, he would buy you a cup of coffee/tea every time you enter your office. You would reach your worktable and see a cup of coffee/tea, just for you by yours truly Dazai. Despite his disappearance, his gestures warm your heart.

✧Ranpo, willingly saves a packet of gummy bears for you, knowing how you love them and the smile you give when you get the packet makes him happy, the site of seeing you smile always warms his heart and he makes sure he is there for you to never let the smile of yours down.

✧Atsushi would be a kind of a person, who would make sure you never loss your things. He would fold your thrown clothes at the corner, knowing how tired you must have been after the mission and as your lover he made sure you deserved the rest you wait for all day long. He doesnt mind washing dishes or cleaning the apartment, as long as you are healthy and happy.

✧Chuuya would insist to make you both lunch when you both are alone back at your apartment. He also willingly helps you clean up the high up areas in your apartment (his ability helps a lot). Of course, that always ends up with you both cuddling and sleeping on the couch.

✧Akutagawa is a person of action, as his normal service would be making sure all your injuries are healed. He doesnt mind doing the grocery shopping for your apartment, seeing how tired you are. He cant cook, he cant clean but he can make sure the stocks are up at the house.

receiving gifts

✧Dazai loves to buy you flowers. He says they remind him of you, how those flowers get reborn into a better version of themselves, every time someone takes them down only to get them become the best. You often laugh at his explanation, but its heart warming.

✧Ranpo loves to buy you food, despite his carving for snacks, if your eyes lay on anything he is willing to buy it for you. He likes to buy you ice-cream every time you both go on walks outside.

✧Atsushi likes to write letters to you, maybe even small notes here and there, telling you how much you mean.

✧Chuuya like ranpo, would buy anything your eyes lay upon. He personally likes to gift you bracelets, or any of the jewellery he thinks suite you. He would be the person who buys you perfumes too.

✧Akutagawa unlike others, don't try to gift you anything. But in rare or special occasions he once in while would buy you a cup or coffee or tickets to show you wanted to see but neither of you had time too. (he makes time for you)

quality time

✧Dazai spends his quality time with you usually on you bed as you both snuggle close to each other, stealing kisses and sleeping.

✧Ranpo spends his quality time almost everywhere. He is like a lost puppy, who always follows you behind. But his all time favourite is when both of you walk hand in hand towards your apartment.

✧Atsushi and you spend your time taking scrolls in park, holding hands and laughing on smallest topics you both can think. He loves talking to you and listening to your voice.

✧Chuuya often would take you out on frequent dates, from fancy dinning restaurants to grass fields stargazing at night.

✧Akutagawa and you spend your time together in silence, just your presence enough for him to feel safe. Maybe both of you go grocery shopping together, debating if 2+1 was a necessary offer to take. Who says quality time is just dating them?

physical touch. 

✧Dazai loves the way you both have physically long time hugs, the perfect fit to a puzzle. He loves to give you forehead kisses and would give you side hugs whenever he passes by you, saying how grateful he was to be blessed by your presence.

✧Ranpo would be spooning you round, his arms wrapped around you as you both would sit on your bed as you would give him nose kisses only for him to kiss your lips and comment how it tasted like strawberries.

✧Atsushi would blush if you ever kiss him, but he gets brave and once in a while give small kisses on checks, while you hold hands walking in public.

✧Chuuya would be the one, giving you full kisses on lips whenever he sees you. Both of you love it when you both are in physical contact, your hand on his, skin on skin and nothing could come between your worlds. Hug, kiss, sleep you name it, we all it all from this man,

✧Akutagawa would make sure you are always close to him, as you both would stand whereever the situation is. He would pull the sleeves of your dress indicating for you to stand a little closer to him to which you would smile at yourself and hold his hands.

was this long for all you under 8ft shawrties?

[calypsocolada]

it would be interesting to see an aku x reader who's atsushi's sister HAHAHAHAHAHA

SPECIAL | akutagawa

synopsis: akutgawa wants your attention and will do anything for it. authors note: THANK U FOR THIS REQUEST!!!! i hope i did you proud anonymous :) cw: blood, hurt/comfort, slightly obsessive aku, slightly suggestive near the end ;), atsushi!sister wc: 3k

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He wanted you. So terribly bad. Ever since he first laid eyes on you. You beautiful, elusive thing. So out of reach, like sand through his fingers. Something untouchable and for terrible reasons. You were his enemy’s sister. So in retrospect you should’ve been his enemy as well. He should possess the same hatred he feels for Atsushi but for you all he felt was a simmering want. Something searing his heart and churning his nerves. The want was too much. Like a growing sickness that he couldn’t shake. He tried to forget, after all there was no way he could ever have you. He might feel differently about you but there was no way you felt the same. Not with how many times he and your brother collided. And he would never assume those feelings had changed but you suddenly gave him hope. 

After being forced to work together, he and Atsushi came to an impasse, he promised the tiger boy that he’d never hurt anyone again, at least not until they fought again. When he practically saved Atsushi and it was all said and done he saw you, pushing through to grab and hug your brother, no doubt worried for his safety. Akutagawa watched your hands shake as you held on to Atsushi, tears in your eyes. You’d been so scared of losing him, it made Akutagawa’s heart sick. To know just how scared you’d been. When you pulled back you asked him something and Atsushi reluctantly pointed back at Akutagawa. He froze when your eyes met his, froze when you swallowed and pushed past your brother and walked over to him, despite Atsushi’s objections. You cleared your throat as you closed the distance between you and him. He stared at you, wide eyed and expectant. 

“You saved my brother?” You had asked. Akutagawa swallowed nervously, your attention made him feel too seen. He liked observing you from afar, but up close you were too much, like staring at the sun. He blinked, nodding his head. You kicked at the dirt, giving yourself something to look at that wasn’t his eyes. Because it felt dangerous being this close to him, knowing the history. But he did save your brother. “I know he won’t thank you but I will.” You say, bravely meeting his eyes. Akutagawa was tall, taller than you. And lean, and a bit gaunt, as though sleep had never occurred to him. He shied from your eyes, his cheeks dusting pink by the second. “Thank you for keeping him safe.” You say and he knows you mean that with every fiber of your being. Knows you love so strongly, and care so much for those you love that it actually makes him sick. Sick because he’s never had that. Never had someone to cry for him. He most likely never will. He wanted to say something scathing, something sarcastic because it was ingrained in him. To never show how he actually feels. That someone will use that against him but he can’t imagine you ever doing that. So he swallows again, clenches his jaw slightly and looks you in the eyes. 

“You’re welcome.” He rasps. 

The moment is charged, like electricity and tension mingling and sparking the space lying between. You take a step, dirt dusting up. Your hand raises and slides against his cheek. He’s frozen under your touch as your thumb grazes that top of his cheek bone. His lips part in a silent question, his brain speeds and slows and it's hard to form words because he’s stuck staring at your glossing lips. 

“You should get this checked out.” And he now knows your referencing the nasty bruise on his cheek. He can’t form words, not with your hand softly against your cheek, not with the way your eyes are looking into his. All caring and concerned like. Someone calls your name. Atsushi looked highly perturbed by this strange interaction between you two. The warmth you’ve caused slowly grows cold as you reach back your hand and step back. He still hasn’t said a word, he’s not sure if he remembers how to speak. “Thanks again.” You say, and then you turn and walk back to your brother and Akutagawa is kicking himself for not saying anything remotely meaningful. For being lost at the way you found him. That was the spark that ignited the sick hope in his chest. You never had kind words for him before that moment but something had clearly changed. If saving your brother had caused that shift Akutagawa would do it again and again.

He saw you a few more times after that and each time you seemed different around him. It killed him when you smiled, and when you smiled at him he would be content with dying right then and there. But he had to know. He had to know if you felt the same searing want as him. He had to know if he haunted your dreams like you did his. If he was all you could think about. He had to know. Akutagawa had no experience in this. In romance, but he knew how he felt for you and knew if he didn’t do something about it he might just shrivel away to dust. So when something fell into his lap he knew he had to knock at your window. 

Your eyes widened at the sight on your fire escape. A bloody Akutagawa, leaning as his hand tapped against the glass. Your heart skipped a beat. You’d given him your address months ago after he and Atsushi needed a place to lie low. He slept in your spare room and got all cagey every time you talked to him. In fact he was always like that around you. Nervous and cagey. You ran to slide the window open and pull him inside out of the rain. He was soaked, his clothes drenched, his hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks. You put your arms around him and guided him through the window as he heaved in pain. 

“What the hell?” You voiced as he fell slightly limp against you, you palmed at his face, fingers pushing his hair back. 

“I didn’t wake you did I?” His voice was thick as you helped him to the floor, leaning against the end of your bed. Blood smeared on your hands. 

“What happened?” You asked.

“A dispute.” He started, groaning softly. “I settled it.”

“Oh, did you now?” You asked slightly sarcastically. There was no dispute, he injured himself purposely for your attention. There had to be something glaringly wrong with him for you to ever care, or at least that’s what he thought. He chuckled slowly, letting his head fall back against your bed, his eyes drifting closed. “Nuh uh.” You said and he felt your warm hands taking him by his cold cheeks and pulling him to look you in the eyes. “Don’t you dare try to sleep.” You said sharply and he swallowed, nodding his head. “I’ll be right back, okay, don’t go to sleep.” You restated as you pushed from the carpeted floor and slipped out into the hallway. Akutagawa raised his head off your bed and looked around. Books lay scattered, plants dying on the shelf, a poster or two of some old movies Akutagawa had never heard of. Your room was, in one word, comfortable. He could tell it was lived in, could tell the things in here, besides the plants, you took the utmost care of. When you entered the room again you closed and locked the door behind you. “We have to be quiet because Atsushi is passed out in the living room.” You say as you sink to the floor next to him. 

“He lives with you?” Akutagawa asks as you shake your head.

“He came over for dinner and passed out, I didn’t have the heart to wake him.” You say in response as you scoot closer to him. “Okay, let’s have a look.” Akutagawa tenses suddenly. He’d stabbed his side, not deep enough to merit a hospital trip but where it was meant he’d need to raise his shirt up in front of you which made him immeasurably nervous. He watched your finger’s carefully take the hem of his shirt and raise it, exposing pale skin and red blood. You sucked in a breath as you caught sight of it. You didn’t even stop to think why he came to you and not a hospital because he needed your help, not your questions. Akutagawa inhaled sharply as you lifted the wet cloth from his wound. “Jesus.” You breathed out, biting your lip.

“You’re not gonna pass out on me are you?” He asked as you shook your head. 

“No, no. I’m fine.” You say because this was nothing compared to the cuts and bruises Atsushi got sometimes. “Here, I need you to sit back a bit.” You say.

“I’ll get blood on your carpet.” He says as though that’s something you cared more about than him.

“Come on,” You urged and he let you guide him down a bit. He was more comfortable now.

“You’re gonna have to talk to me if you want me to stay awake.” He says as you carefully dabbed some gauze over the wound to soak up some blood. 

“Talk about what?” You asked, your focus solely on making sure he didn’t bleed out. 

“I don’t know, doc,” He teased. “What about that?” He points a hand to the book on your bedside table. You turn to look at it. 

“Pride and Prejudice?” You ask and he nods his head. 

“Tell me about it.” He says, closing his eyes.

“Keep your eyes on me.” You say, your finger barely touching under his chin. His eyes open into yours and you find yourself stuck for a moment. You swallow, your hands paused. “What’s wrong, doc?” He asks, breaking you out of your stupor. 

“N-nothing.” You insist, eyes swinging back to the bloody mess beneath them. You reach and grab for another piece of gauze. “Uh, right, Pride and prejudice. It’s my favorite book.” You say as Akutagawa zones out, just watching your lips move. You fingers defly toss the gauze to the side, grabbing out some thread to stitch him back together. “It’s good, you should read it sometime.” You say. “Now, sit still, this is probably going to hurt.” Akutagawa must be used to pain because he doesn’t make much of a fuss whatsoever the entire time you're stitching the wound. You talked him through it the whole way and barely noticed that his hand barely gripped the side of your leg, something to keep him grounded from the pain. Once you're done you wrap him up. Going to pull off the rest of his shirt, he pinkens, stopping your hands.

“What’re you doing?” He asks.

“You need dry clothes otherwise you’ll catch a cold.” You say. Akutagawa bites the inside of his cheek. 

“I should get going, don’t you think?” He asks, because he feels as though he’s taken up enough of your night.

“No, I want you to stay so I can keep an eye on you.” You say as though he should’ve known better.

“An eye on me? So I don’t hurt anyone?”

“So no one hurts you.” You correct. He stares at you for a minute.

“No one will hurt me.” He waves off as you take his hand and again he freezes. 

“Stay here.” You insisted, eyes fiercely pleading. He swallows dryly, throat bobbing. He couldn’t help flicking them down to look at your lips then back up to your eyes. There was no way he was going anywhere now. 

“Okay.” He whispers and lets you peel off his soaked shirt. You grab a blanket, draping it across his shoulders. 

“I’ll be right back.” You say before slipping out of the door again. You're gone for about five minutes before he hears the door squeaking back open, a steaming bowl and fresh clothes in your hand. You set the bowl down and help him stand, he wavers a bit due to the loss of blood and your fingers tighten on his sides. “You okay?” You whisper and he nods. “I’ll turn while you change.” You say, carefully handing him the clean clothes. Akutagawa takes the clothes, his heart in his mouth not letting him speak. He watches you turn as he turns himself. He changes quickly, shivering as he pulls on a sweatshirt and sweatpants, feeling warmth over his cold skin. 

“Okay,” He intones softly as you turn back around, you offer him a soft smile. 

“Here, sit.” You offer as you sit down on your bed, he follows as you turn and hand him a bowl of warm soup. “So what really happened?” You ask as Akutagawa takes the bowl, a silent thank you passing his soft somewhat tinged blue lips. 

“Some guys teamed up on me, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” You echoed. He nodded his head, not looking up from the bowl

“Okay.” You say because you didn’t feel like badgering an answer out of him, if he wanted to tell you something he would. And if you wanted to tell him you were glad he came to you he’d have to badger it out of you.

“Thank you, for ya know.” He says because he has no practice in thank you’s but he wants to get better at them. To give you a proper one. 

“Anytime.” You say. “I mean it.” You add and watch him tense nervously again.

“Do you?” He asks.

“I do.” You reassure and his lips quirk up in something that was almost a smile. “We should get to bed.” You say as Akutagawa’s throat bobs. 

“I can sleep on the floor.”

“We can share.” You offer, untucking your covers and moving to offer a space to him. You can see the hesitation and you almost offer to let him take the bed but slowly he lowers himself beside you. It’s quiet for a few moments, both of you knowing there wasn’t much sleep to be had tonight. The rain picked up outside, padding against the glass of the window. “Hey, Akutagawa?” Your voice asks softly beside him.

“Hmm?”

“Why’d you come to me?” She asked. He could tell in the dark that you had turned to face him, so he turned as well. In the pale light he could see was your bright eyes. 

“I- I don’t know why exactly.” He answered because it was a lot simpler than telling her these complicated feelings he held for her, a lot easier than telling her he’d hurt himself to get here. “Should I have not?”

“I’m glad you came to me.” You say and your eyes lock with his. Tension building and building ever so slowly in the dark room. The bed feels too small, you can feel the heat radiating from him. 

“You are?” He asks just barely a whisper in the wind. You nod her head decidedly.

“I am.” You whisper back. Akutagawa had to look away, had to turn his face away otherwise he’d kiss you. Something he’d wanted to do for a long time. Something he was scared to admit that he wanted to do because once he did it maybe he wouldn’t dream of it anymore. What if you didn’t want to kiss him, what if you didn’t feel the same? Would he not feel safe in his dreams of you anymore? Because only when you were in his dreams were they not nightmares. But he didn’t turn away, he couldn’t move an inch. Not even when you moved forwards and closed the minimal distance between your lips. You kissed him so softly, like you were afraid you’d break him. Akutagawa was shocked, so very very shocked and confused. There was no way you of all people was kissing him right now. 

No fucking way. 

That thought kicked out of his mind when you pulled back away from him, the warmth of your lips no longer against his own. 

“Jesus---” You breathed out, voice panicky. “I’m sorry.” Your words finally snapped Akutagawa into reality. The reality he was about to fuck up if he didn’t act now. 

So Akutagawa kissed the doubts right from your lips, his right hand sliding up on your cheek to keep you close to him. Your own hands pulled him by the front of his shirt. Their kisses grew desperate as Akutagawa pulled you on top of him, you made a sound that was swallowed by his mouth. They pulled away for just a moment as you pulled off your shirt, tossing it soundlessly into the dark. Akutagawa’s hands fell from her face and traced down your body, past your hips and planted on the plush of your thighs as you leaned back down against him. They couldn’t pull their clothes off fast enough. Akutagawa was practically panting as he pulled back, cheeks rosy red, lips kissed pink, you on his lap, emitting strangled gasps from him. 

“Do you-- have protection?” He asked, his voice hoarse. This was going somewhere, he felt the build, knew that if he didn’t take responsibility now you might be stuck with him for life. Clumsily you leaned over, grabbing a condom out of your nightstand. 

“You just have condoms on the ready?” He asked with a shy smirk. 

“Gotta be ready for when men crawl through my window.” You smirked back as he threw his head back and laughed, throat exposed.

“Does this happen a lot?” He asks as you lean and kiss his throat.

“More than you think.” You jest, smoothly tearing open the packaging with your teeth.

“So you’re sayin’ I’m not special-oh fuck-” He groans as you move back just a bit, slowly sliding it on him yourself, just the bare touch of her hands caused Akutagawa to jerk and curse. 

“Oh,” You lean in close to his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “You’re very very special.”

[starlightshadowsworld]

Weird it almost seems like everyone’s going to vanish in the order they met Atsushi. Dazai is still around but he’s separated from the Agency, just like he was when Atsushi met him. Except now Dazai is where Atsushi can’t reach him.

Kunikida vanishes right before Atsushi’s eyes after Atsushi is too late to stop him. When Kunikida arrived right on time to find him and Dazai, getting Atsushi food before he died from starvation.

You saved me but I couldn’t do the same for you.

Atsushi managed to save Junichiro that first time in the same way Junichiro saved him during his first fight with Akutagawa. But it might not be for much longer.

With Atsushi or Junichiro himself potentially paralleling Junichiro’s words from that day, when he told Atsushi to run.

There is hope because who showed up during that fight but Akutugawa, and this would be him arriving as an ally instead of an enemy. But given that the season 5 epilogue suggests Atsushi is alone during that meeting, it’s not high hopes

It’s almost like Fyodor is staring down Atsushi and telling them this is his fault. That you cause suffering by all those around you just by living. Just like the Headmaster told him, just like Akutagawa told him that day.

Something Akutagawa would refute now and remind Atsushi to keep going.

[littencloud9]

"no other person makes me feel both weak and strong." + sskk

and/or

"why can't i say 'no' to you?" + kunichuu? 🙏

hehe hellooo <3 dancing around the room i hope they all kill each other or. something

—

“I just think that,” Atsushi sighs, “no other person makes me feel both weak and strong.”

“Is that meant to wound me, Weretiger?”

“No,” Atsushi scoffs. “…Yes? I don’t know. You’re weird.”

“You’re weird.” There’s a moment of silence where Akutagawa turns away, gazing into the sunset with solemn eyes.

He’s been like this ever since he came back. More drawn-in. Harder for Atsushi to reach.

Akutagawa has always felt like a faraway mystery. He’s a contradiction in every way—too heartless to be good, too kind to be evil. Too reckless, too observant. Too insulting, too uplifting.

Atsushi hates him. Yet there’s a small part of him that seeks Akutagawa’s acknowledgment anyway.

“We’re partners,” Akutagawa says, breaking Atsushi out of his thoughts. He spits out the word partners like it’s offensive. “If I didn’t help you improve, then we would mean nothing to each other.”

“Are you saying I improve you too?”

Their eyes meet. Something in Akutagawa’s steely gaze clears up. “Every day.”

Oh.

—

Kunikida flinches when Chuuya crawls onto his lap, perching on top with a sly grin. They tuck their hair behind their ear, the other hand trailing down his chest. “Please? It’s just ten minutes.”

“I—” Kunikida’s voice gets stuck in his throat. Chuuya blinks at him with wide, brown eyes, suddenly erasing all evidence of mischief.

They look so innocent. Kunikida hates how his resolve crumbles.

“Just ten minutes,” he sighs in agreement. Chuuya lights up, arms wrapping around his neck as they pull him in for a soft, slow kiss.

When they pull back, Chuuya snuggles their face into his neck with a satisfied groan. Kunikida cards his hand through their hair, albeit disgruntledly. “Why can’t I say ‘no’ to you?”

“Because you love me,” Chuuya mumbles, hiding a smile in his neck.

“No. I think you just enjoy ruining my schedule.”

“I would never!” Chuuya gasps. Kunikida digs his fingers into their waist and they squirm away with a giggle.

Despite everything, Kunikida kisses the top of Chuuya’s head with a fond smile, relaxing.

[rayshippouuchiha]

So I read a skk and sskk swap fic a while back, and while I wasn’t really fond of Atsushi’s characterization (Felt a bit too extreme for Atsushi, even in the PM), I can’t get my own version of it out of my head

An 11 year old Atsushi getting found in a cage by Mori, thinking he’s finally free, only to be collared like a dog. Yet he still maintains his kindness, his heart

A 13 year old Akutagawa who ends up partnered with Atsushi, who sees his soft, kind smiles and gentle empathy and falls a little bit in love

A 13 year old Atsushi finally snapping under the weight of being Mori’s favorite, of Mori’s experiments (because Mori is a doctor and Atsushi is a medical miracle, it’s only common sense that he’d see how far the boy could be pushed) and threatening to kill him

(A 13 year old Atsushi who has spent enough time around Mori to know he can no longer care, because if Mori saw even a second of weakness, a way to exploit Atsushi in any way, he’d end up back on the table)

A 12 Chuuya who get taken in by the mafia and put under Atsushi’s tutelage, as one God Vessel to another (you can pry God Vessel Atsushi from my cold dead hands), and hopes and prays from the love and affection and understanding he so desires only to get hard, hard not cruel, Chuuya’s only hope for something more, training and cold shoulders

A 14 year old Atsushi who sees this small red head, so obviously desperate for affection in a way Atsushi can’t help but relate to, and shuts down a little more, because he knows what Mori is trying to do and he won’t have it. So he helps in the only way he feels he can, by training the boy to survive and keeping him at arms length, because no matter how strong he may be, Mori would not hesitate to put him on the chopping block to get Atsushi back under his thumb

An 18 year old Akutagawa cursing Atsushi’s name once the news that Atsushi defected reached him. And Akutagawa who is bitter and heartbroken and angry, and has been since those soft smiles and kind sympathy were traded for blank faces and an icy demeanor because how dare Atsushi make him fall in love only to tear it away

A 14 year old Chuuya who spent two years working desperately to be strong enough, in hopes to finally get what he do desperately desired from his mentor only to be left behind

(A 16 year old Atsushi who leaves the mafia for good, because he was foolish enough to get attached and had his heart ripped out for it)

An 18 year old Atsushi walking into the ADA, still working on learning how to care again, how to stop being afraid of love and scalpels, finding a home in Ranpo’s knowing eyes and shared sweets, Yosano’s understanding that goes so mush beyond normal empathy, Kunikida’ good, kind heart and strict schedule, and most importantly, under the President’s ability where he no longer has to be collared anymore

A 20 year old Atsushi fishing a kid out of a river on his off day, and being able to tell immediately he has an ability and listening to his story and offering him a home

An 18 year old Dazai, who fails another suicide attempt only to be saved by Atsushi, in more ways than one. Who gets given a purpose in the agency and Atsushi’s soft smile and finally feels like giving life a chance

A 22 year old Akutagawa who gets handed the case for Atsushi’s bounty because’you we’re the one who knew his capabilities best.’ (Because Mori did not trust he cared more about the mafia than Atsushi) and sees his old partner for the first time in 4 years only to see that smile, the one he fell for o so many years ago, directed at someone else

An 18 year old Chuuya who sees Atsushi and Dazai, who sees some random kid get all the affection and attention he’s ever wanted, and rages

A 20 year old Atsushi who gets confronted by his past, whoch whole never a secret, was so far removed from his current life, and feels his heart break. Because he knows that Akutagawa and Chuuya’s anger are no one’s fault but his own. Who cares so deeply then, however buried, and still does now and wants so desperately to fix it but feels it is far too late

A 18 year old Dazai who ends up in this weird rivalry with this short red head slug from the mafia who wants to take away what finally gave Dazai’s life meaning, but gets pushed to the side when he saves a snap assassin who doesn’t want to kil anymore

I could go on about this forever but I’ll leave it here for now with some small notes

The whole collared thing with Atsushi is based on a fic I read which might have been based on the Beast light novel (I haven’t read it) where the collar is used as a way to control Atsushi’s ability to a lesser extent then All Men are Created Equal by basically being a torture device and constantly making Atsushi heal himself, which he only allows himself to take off when he becomes a manner of the agency and is granted a greater control

For ages, in my mind, Akutagawa is two years older than Atsushi who is two years older than Dazai and Chuuya because it adds to the angst at factor but it also messes up the timeline a bit

I am debating whether to switch Kyouka and Odasaku bc Dazai and Atsushi already have their No kill assassins but that means killing Kyouka so I left it vague

I also left everyone but Akutagawa’s feelings vague. Whether Dazai and Chuuya’s feelings for Atsushi are romantic in nature is ambiguous and this story, told by Atsushi in my mind, leads to Atsushi being so emotionally stunted when it comes to love he cannot differentiate between the types for himself

(I wanted to leave Akutagawa’s feelings vague too but the main thing that tied sskk together in cannon was Dazai and that wasn’t happening here so I decided they needed a little something)

((I also feel there is definitely a possibility for Atsushi to end up with Kunikida or maybe even Ranpo for funsies and all))

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough, I hope you enjoyed and I send you all my well wishes!

Hey hey hey, get your ass back here and give us more of this

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

First of all, I just want to say. I called it lol

Finally an sskk face off since the sacrifice. I am going insane. I can’t articulate all my thoughts rn but something about the way Atsushi aimed a kick at Akutagawa that he fully expected the guy to block (because they know each other’s usual fighting styles!!!) only for it to connect and hurt him; Atsushi begging Akutagawa to recognize him because even if he still can’t consciously admit it, Atsushi has become convinced that Akutagawa wouldn’t be attacking him like this if he knew it was him; pleading for him to snap out of it and demanding to know why he saved him aghhhhh I’m going feral we know the reason Atsushi we know whyyyyy

I can’t believe it actually. We are at the point where sskk do not want to genuinely hurt each other. Atsushi attacked only out of self defence and was taken aback by actually breaking his wrist. Akutagawa refused to kill Atsushi in the Fukuchi fight and Atsushi is now convinced he’d stop attacking if he recognized him. Holy shit. Oh my god.

And Sigma badass moment! My boy, he pulled through! Either him or Chuuya had to break the stalemate; hell yeah, validation. Wasn’t there a meme someone made? “Prison arc -> prison arc if Sigma still had a gun”? Well Sigma’s got a gun and things are picking up babyyyy! His retort to Fyodor was quite possibly the funniest thing he could’ve said in response. Just completely shut him down. Using what he’s learned running the empty home Fyodor previously tried to buy his trust with. Beautiful. ADA Sigma real??? (I think the story will have to acknowledge his very public involvement with Taneda’s shooting and the acts of terrorism the Hunting Dogs now know he is responsible for… so I’m not sure how that will go but I’d like to see him end up with the Agency tbh… so long as it makes sense.)

Things I did not expect:

Mysterious note left in Russian??? It could be Mykola I suppose but… why? What happened? If he’s actually in trouble I doubt he’d need help escaping. Is it a trap? But what for? Alternatively… could it be Pushkin? He was in Meursault initially right? We never found out what his connection was. It could be a new Russian author too! Intriguing! There’s also the matter of it being written in Russian in the first place - who is it meant for? Sigma specifically? Or is it meant for someone else who speaks Russian?

Dazai is actually injured! I was certain he had something ready to get out on his own but I like this much better. Tbh I know this sounds bad but I’m actually way more invested now that Dazai has a broken leg and Fyodor was just shot. There’s higher stakes, you know? Damn though. I think Dazai’s injuries are. Worse. He’s being terribly self-sacrificial, and is apparently going to face off against Chuuya next time we see him. I do think now the stakes would be too low if Chuuya was completely free of the brainwashing tbh… I’m hoping for a double “I know you’re in there” fight between skk and sskk. Not that Dazai can do much physically but his strength has always been with words anyways, and I am certain Chuuya’s already fighting back. And I know Atsushi will reach Akutagawa. Manifesting sskk reunion where they challenge Fukuchi again and win this time via the power of unbreakable trust (delusional).

Sigma asks Fyodor “WHAT are you?” Which is interesting, and I’m hoping will acknowledge the way Fyodor doesn’t seem to age… but also intriguing is the “getting closer” part on the side which implies he’s not quite right. I think Fyodor will still turn out to be human tbh (it’d be weird otherwise, thematically), but now I’m starting to lend a little more weight to that theory about a Fyodor double…

Well anyways. This was a lot. I’m going to helplessly whir about it for a bit now.

[intheticklecloset]

You Scared Us to Death! (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Primary Universe

Summary: Dazai plays dead to mess with Chuuya, Atsushi, and Akutagawa, but they don't find it as funny as he does.

A/N: I wrote this one a while ago for @ticklygiggles and am now sharing with you all. Dazai is such a loveable dork; he deserves all the tickles! I hope you enjoy. ^^

Word Count: 1,667

~~~

By the time they got there, Chuuya looked almost frantic. Atsushi’s eyes darted to Dazai, who lay unmoving on the ground, out cold. He knew the punch he’d taken on the rooftop combined with his being thrown off of it moments later was probably enough to knock anyone out, but the way Chuuya’s eyes were wild now made him think something else was wrong.

“Chuuya!” he called as he and Akutagawa jogged to meet him.

The redhead looked up. “The idiot’s not responding!”

“Is he unconscious?” Atsushi asked, kneeling down on Dazai’s other side. The man looked pale; a small gash on his right cheek was bleeding a little and – as Chuuya had said – he wasn’t moving at all. “Dazai?”

Akutagawa stood over the three of them. “Did you catch him in time?” His voice was as detached as ever, but Atsushi could hear the tiniest hint of underlying concern in it.

“Of course I did,” Chuuya snapped, though his frustration clearly wasn’t aimed at Akutagawa specifically. He grabbed Dazai’s shoulders again and shook him a little. “I had him before he was even halfway down. The landing was smooth. He wasn’t even hit that hard up there!” He shook him again. “Dazai, wake up, you moron!”

Atsushi was beginning to panic now, too. Something was definitely off about Dazai’s condition; if he’d been caught long before hitting the ground he should be at least a little responsive, and it was obvious that he wasn’t. “Was he already unconscious when you got to him?”

“Yeah, but he was moaning and moving around. He should be awake by now.” Chuuya’s arms were trembling, but he tried to cover it up by shaking the unconscious detective once more. “Dazai!”

“I don’t think shaking him is going to help,” Atsushi said gently, reaching out to stop Chuuya from doing it again. “Let’s check for a pulse.”

Under normal circumstances, the weretiger would have thought to check his neck or wrist for a heartbeat, but Chuuya beat him to it, and it was obvious he wasn’t thinking quite straight, because he yanked open Dazai’s overcoat and pressed his ear right to his chest.

A split second later, Atsushi was startled by Dazai moving his hand to cup the back of Chuuya’s head and ruffle his hair gently. “Hey, chibi.”

Chuuya shot back up, eyes wide and glaring at the brunette on the ground. “You idiot!”

“I almost died just now, and you’re calling me names?” Dazai mumbled, smiling weakly. “How mean.”

Atsushi leaned forward. “Are you all right? What happened? You scared us to death!”

“I’m not sure. Maybe having my center of gravity changed so abruptly while I was falling to my demise made me pass out.” Dazai hummed contemplatively, darted his gaze to Chuuya, and smirked. “Or maybe I just wanted to mess with you a little. I’ll never tell.”

The weretiger let out a frustrated and relieved huff of air, sitting back. He glanced up at Akutagawa, who looked irritated, then back at Chuuya, who was busy wrapping his hands around Dazai’s throat.

“Chuuya!” Atsushi cried, but the redhead was already retracting his hands, visibly shaking from the desire to do something with all that nervous energy he’d built up in the last few minutes.

“I – you – argh!” The redhead plunged his fingers into Dazai’s ribs and tickled harshly, earning a loud squawk and subsequent giggles from the brunette. “You asshole! I hate you!”

“You…you know he likes being tickled, right?” Atsushi asked cautiously, thrown off by the sudden change in revenge tactic.

“I know!” Chuuya yelled angrily, fighting off Dazai’s flailing limbs. “But this is the only way I won’t kill him! Bastard!”

“Chuhuhuhuhuhuuya was wohohohohorried about me,” Dazai squealed, wincing a little as the cut on his cheek began to burn from his sudden activity. “How cuhuhuhuhuhute~”

At this point, Atsushi’s fear had begun to fade as well, replaced with just as much frustration that he felt the need to take out somehow. Following the redhead’s example, he shifted his arms into their half-weretiger form and grabbed Dazai’s wrists, yanking them above his head to expose his armpits.

Chuuya didn’t need any prompting.

“GAH!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!” Dazai screeched, legs scrabbling against the ground as he arched his back and laughed harder than ever, tugging uselessly at his trapped limbs. “MEHEHEHEHEHEHEANIES!!”

“Meanies?! You scared us to death and all you can do is laugh about it,” Atsushi growled, holding him down even tighter. “You’re the meanie here!”

“Weretiger.” Akutagawa’s voice joined the fray for the first time since Dazai’s awakening, and the white-haired man glanced up at him, confused at first by the grim determination in his features. Then Rashomon appeared in two claw-like tendrils from behind him, and Akutagawa said, “Allow me.”

Atsushi blinked, then realized what he wanted to do and nodded, retracting his hands from Dazai’s wrists just in time for Rashomon to take their place, pinning Dazai and leaving Atsushi free to join in another way. He wasted no time, scooting down to grab the brunette’s hips and squeeze, making his boss throw his head back and scream with more frantic laughter now that he had two people tickling the crap out of him.

“GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! OKAY, OKAHAHAHAHAY, I’M SOHOHOHOHOHORRY!!” he cried, arching and twisting his body as much as he could.

“Don’t lie,” Chuuya snapped. “You’d do it again in a heartbeat if you could.”

Dazai didn’t try to deny it, but he still let out a loud whine and cackled out, “WHAHAHAHAT DO YOU WAHAHAHAHANT ME TO SAHAHAHAHAY?!”

Atsushi glanced up at the redhead, who looked back at him with a firm set to his mouth, and they nodded their agreement.

“Promise you’ll never do that again,” Atsushi demanded, drilling his thumbs into the squishy bits of flesh just above Dazai’s waistline.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! WHIHIHIHIHIHICH PART?!”

“Playing dead!” Atsushi and Chuuya shouted at the same time.

“BUHUHUHUHUHUT IT’S SO FUHUHUHUHUHUN!!” Dazai retorted, suddenly activating his ability to dispel Rashomon’s hold on him, but before he could even think about bringing his arms down, Akutagawa had dropped to his knees and latched onto his wrists with his bare hands, keeping him pinned right where he was. Dazai glanced back at him through his laughter, surprise clearly written on his features.

Akutagawa snorted. “I’m sorry to say you can’t cancel me out, Dazai. Did you really think I’d let you get out of this so easily?”

“AKUTAGAWA YOU TRAHAHAHAHAHAITOR!!” the brunette screeched, laughter going silent for a moment when Chuuya found the hypersensitive spots in the center of his armpits and dug in there with everything he had. He kicked the air uselessly, gasping for breath, the cut on his cheek bleeding more profusely now that he’d been exercising his cheek muscles so thoroughly.

“Promise us, Dazai,” Atsushi warned, swinging a leg over to straddle his boss so he couldn’t even squirm anymore.

Chuuya reached one hand up to scribble against his neck as well as his armpit, and Dazai let out a loud, feminine squeal.

“OKAHAHAY I PROHOHOHOMISE!! I WOHOHOHON’T DO IT AGAHAHAHAHAIN!!” he cried, a snort slipping out of him as he laughed helplessly, tears springing to his eyes. “I SWEAR!! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!”

Atsushi hummed his acceptance of his boss’ words, letting up on his attack and climbing off of him. It took Chuuya a few moments longer, but eventually he stopped as well, getting to his feet with a huff. Akutagawa released him and stood back up calmly, stuffing his hands in his pockets as though nothing had happened.

Dazai lay on the ground catching his breath for several moments, a few stray chuckles escaping him. Then he moved to sit up and groaned.

Chuuya rolled his eyes, offering him a hand. “Stop being so dramatic, you idiot—” Then he watched as Dazai seemed to notice he was bleeding for the first time, swiping a hand across his cheek and observing the red droplets that came away on his fingertips before reaching up to take the redhead’s offer of help. Chuuya snatched his hand away. “Ugh, forget it! Get up yourself, stupid Dazai.”

“So mean,” Dazai mumbled, but he was grinning as he got up and brushed himself off. “Hey, chibi?”

“Quit calling me that, you—!” Chuuya stopped his rant when Dazai’s clean hand brushed his cheek softly.

“I am sorry,” the brunette told him sincerely, brushing a thumb along his cheekbone. “Thank you for saving me.”

Chuuya blinked, then swatted his hand away and turned his back in a huff. “Back off! Quit getting yourself into trouble and I won’t have to keep saving your ass.” Then he stomped away, never once looking back, though the red flush on his neck gave him away regardless.

For a long moment, the three remaining men stood watching him leave. Atsushi glanced at Akutagawa at the same time Akutagawa glanced at him. He opened his mouth to thank him for his assistance on the mission, but before any words could escape Rashomon shot out and slammed into his chest, knocking him onto his back before he could blink.

“Hey! What was that for, Akutagawa?!” Atsushi yelped, scrambling to sit up. He watched Akutagawa sauntering away without a word and yelled, “Fine! I’ll keep my thanks, you jerk!”

Dazai laughed, offering his hand to the weretiger, who cringed at the blood smearing the fingertips before his boss realized his mistake and offered the other hand instead, which Atsushi accepted.

“You really are such a pain,” the younger man grumbled under his breath.

Dazai beamed. “Just keeping you on your toes, Atsushi. Now, let’s head back to the agency. Apparently I need to see the good doctor.”

“For a little cut like that?” Atsushi asked as they began to walk the opposite direction from Chuuya and Akutagawa.

“Of course. I figure if I get lucky, one of these days she might actually kill me while trying to save my life. It would be so poetic, don’t you think?”

Atsushi punched him, and Dazai laughed again.

[zerooup]

do you have any thoughts for regressor Ryunosuke from bungo stray dogs? i have been thinking about him lately (sorry for bad eng)

I do I do! I hope you enjoy these! Cw: Blood, Diapers, Pleurisy, Accidents, Eating Disorders, Scars

Akutagawa is a *very* Sensitive little, often struggling with Dazai's jokes surrounding his regression. D: "Such a tiny boy, I could just eat you up!" A: (tearing up) D: Buddy, nono, dada isn't gonna eat you! ~

A very sweet little, once came in from playing with a frog in his pocket and scared Chuuya senselessly. This caused Akutagawa to put himself in timeout for scaring his CG. ~

Akutagawa is often one to "punish" himself for things he's been scolded for, Often either making himself go hungry or sitting himself in the corner. ~

You cannot raise your voice with him. Chuuya did once after Aku had drawn on the walls; which he had thought would make Chuuya happy... [spoiler, it didn't], Which.. caused an hour-ish-long meltdown for Akutagawa, In which he ran and hid from Chuuya refusing to be touched as he wrapped himself up in one of "Dadaz" Trench coats until he soothed himself enough to let Chuuya apologize for yelling. ~

Often very sick, coughing so harshly he'll spit up blood, which, understandably scares him to death, so he'll end up crying for whoever's watching him in a panic and they have to get him in a bath, which.. is easier when he's small! He loves the comfort of the warm water and the toys he gets, most importantly when his caregiver gives him attention!! He ADORES it. ~

Very frequent nightmares with this poor baby... He'll wake up drenched in sweat in the middle of the night and just. sits there, sobbing. In which, Dazai is up and hears him, or Chuuya is woken up by it. C: Buddy..? What's going on? A: [reaching up to be held] C: Hey.. Hey.. shhh; it's okay little raven, yeah? Let's get you a fresh diaper, You smell like Dazai. D: [walking in, having not slept yet] I do NOT smell that bad, Slug. C: Shut up and help me get him changed. D: Do I have to? C: Unless you wanna clean up his bed? D: I'll help then... C: I swear you're just as much of baby as him sometimes. D: Waahhh~ You're so mean to me slug! ~

Often doesn't fall asleep in his bed, he'll fall asleep on Atsushi or Dazai if he's tired enough. ~

He's fallen asleep on Atsushi in his tiger form, many times. and Atsushi just carries him around on his back, snarling at anyone who dares get too close to HIS baby.

[howdothoughtscollide]

An Unwanted Goodbye

Dazai Osamu x idol!gn!reader

WARNING: mentions of suicide( you should've expected this) and kidnapping, major character death, angst, reader wear lipstick, very brief mentions of chuuya, akutagawa, ranpo and maybe atsushi(?)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Inspired by this post by @soysaucefu, I recommend you read it first.

Here he is again, at the first place that you met. Well, maybe not for you, but it was the first time for Dazai to hear such an enchanting voice that made him stop in his tracks.

The howling wind intertwined with his hair, giving him fluttering kisses of the cold evening and muffled all the bustling noises of the moving vehicles beneath him and the cheering of your fans. Dazai looks down to his phone, which is showing the livestream of your concert, as he spares no attention to watch your performance. You look so lovely and vibrant, singing while the colorful lights focus on your figure, as if you are the only shining star in the night sky. Right, you are his star, the one being so radiant that it hurts everytime he looks at you. 

You are the star that deserves all the love and affection of your fans, the one who always stands in the spotlight, while someone like him, only deserves to be faced with all the filth and ugliness of this world, thrown and drowned into the void of the night. 

This time, the song you’re performing is quite different from the first time Dazai heard you, different from your usual energetic and exciting style. It is so soft and fuzzy, like being wrapped up in a cozy blanket when it is stormy outside or being able to have a warm meal after a long and tiring day. And, there is also something unusual, that it carry such a …sad undertone, like the fact that you can’t help but feel under the weather while staring out as raindrops make harmonic thrumming against the window, like a lover waiting for their other half to come back after a long trip. 

Did you miss him, he wondered, as it has been a long time since he last basked in your comforting scent and encased in your tender embrace. Did your heart ache for your annoying lover, ache for the person who always pranks and causes scandals for you, for the one that makes you face major problems and dangers when his crimes are revealed.

Did you?

Dazai averts his eyes to the vivid stage across the busy street, where you are living with your passion and showing the world your dazzling beauty, one of his arms holding up. You’re looking so small now, fitting into the tiny gap between his thumb and index finger.

So little, yet so far away. Actually, too far that you’re out of where his arms can reach, and he couldn’t protect you when he wanted to, needed to. The memory was still fresh, as if yesterday was when you were kidnapped, hidden in a cold and humid place, and-

It’s all fine now, he thinks. All of that has ended, and now, you’re safe and sound, standing right before his eyes. And, soon enough, nothing can cause harm to you, Dazai will ensure it.

Ahh~, he is such a genius, isn’t he? Who could think of dying while listening to their darling’s sweet sweet voice? Well, how romantic of him~. He hopes you see the message he sent you, you’re his clever darling, surely you’ll understand it~. Dazai smiles to himself as undecipherable emotions swirl in his eyes, his gazes soften when it takes in your image, like wishing to burn the moment into his memory for eternity.

“Stay safe, belladonna.” He says as he embraces himself for the fall.

Eventually, the concert comes to an end, the lights are turned off, people pouring out of the gates and staff moving around to collect and pack up gears. 

After changing into your casual clothes, you quickly gather your stuff, shoving your phone into your bag since you can not wait to return to the comfort of your home.

“Y/N!” Your manager called out. “We’re going to a restaurant to celebrate the success of the concert, do you want to come along?”

“No thanks.”You shake your head. “All of my energy is drained by the concert, I’d rather just go home and lie in my bed right now.”

She flashes you a teasing smirk. “Oh? Eager to meet someone, aren’t you?”

You grin shyly, a tint of blush forming on your cheek.

“Then just go, I’ll take care of the rest.” Your manager waves you off .

You mutter a small ‘thank you’ before swiftly making your way out.

The car suddenly stops, disrupting the conversation between you and your personal assistant.

“What’s the problem?” You ask the driver.

He turns his head to face you, a frown appears on his face. “ I’m sorry, but it seems like an accident occurred and is causing a traffic jam. I think it will be long until the road is clear again and we can move forward.”

“An accident?” You tilt your head in confusion. “Well, if it will take that much time, I’d better go and have a look!”  You exclaimed cheerfully as you put on your mask and jumped out of the car excitedly.

“Ah! Please wait for me, you shouldn’t go alone like that.”  Your assistant is dumbfounded by your actions, and hurriedly follows you.

You weave through the traffic, taking note of a huge crowd before you. “Hm? What type of accidents do you think that requires so many police cars and attracts such enormous attention?”

Your assistant leans on the side of a car, catching her breath. “W-Well, it could be a crazy fan who want to draw attention. It’s right before the concert stage and you’re quite famous afterall.”

You quirks your brown in disbelief. “My fans? How so, they’re such lively and chaotic cookies, I doubt they’d pull off something like that.”

“Ha ha, yeah.” Your assistant laughs before she bumps her head against your back. “H-Huh? Why did you stop all of the sudden?”

She lightly tapped your shoulder, but you stood there, frozen.

It is fully displayed directly in front of your eyes, that messy brown hair, that beige trench coat, and even that white bandage, all dyed in scarlet, all too familiar. 

Ah, how can you be so careless and forget such simple things? 

The only one who would carry out such silly schemes on you, your biggest and craziest fan. Look, he’s even holding the handmade merchandise that he cherished so much.

You chuckled.“Osamu, wake up, stop messing around, you’re causing trouble for the police. Did you miss me that much? I promised I’d make up for you this week, didn’t I?”

But there were no answers. Dazai is still there, the hands that used to hold you is now so cold, the lips that used to whisper sweet nothings into your ears is now closed and so silent, and the face, the face that used to smile at you warmly is now painted with the color of crimson. Except, it's not the bloom when you tease him, not the lipstick smudge when you kiss him behind the stage, it's the color of the twisted fate, of the bitter farewell which needed no melancholic melodies or complicated words for him to sing it to you.

“You’re joking, r-right? Q-quit it with your little pranks, I-I may actually get mad at you, you know?” Your voice trembles as giggles and giggles pour out of your mouth, not noticing your quivering hands reaching out as a poor attempt to clasp his, just to be interrupted by police officers, or the worried glances your assistant shoots you while explaining the situation to them, or even the flickering of cameras and quiet murmurs of others. Well, why should you, when the sight of your lover alone has the ability to suspend the flow of time and take your breath away, especially now once overwhelmed with red? 

You blink, trying to make a clearer view of Dazai. 

Yet, it’s just getting more blurry and hazy. What’s covering your vision? What’s making your cheeks feel so warm? Questions echoed in your mind as darkness envelope your senses.

You wake up to the bright and golden sun rays tumbling through the flimsy and translucent curtains. Examining the room, it’s decorated with sturdy and substantial wooden furniture in a welcoming manner, but it’s a strange place, nonetheless.What happened?

“Oh my, you’re finally awaken.” You avert your eyes to the surprised voice of your assistant. “Here, please watch some TV.” She says before running off to announce the doctors and the manager.

You divert your attention back to the glowing screen, broadcasting daily news.

“Yesterday, a famous idol’s partner was found jumping from a tall building in front of where their concert took place. Police say that this could be a suicide but the reason is unknown and still need further investigation. The-”

Your eyes widen, memories start flooding in your head, the red and blue lights of police cars, the yellow and black stripe of the barricade tape, you remembered it all.

“Y/N!” Your manager thrust open the door. “Are you okay? Do you feel dizzy? The doctors will come soon, so sit here and rest for a little bit, will you?”

You nod blankly at her, not even sure about how to answer. Then, doctors and nurses enter the room to check up on you, and police officers question you about the incident. During the whole process, the only thing they received were just nods and shakes, along with dry and simple phrases departing from your mouth, as if you’re a robot that isn’t fully programmed and is learning how to speak.

Your manager is on the verge of pulling all her hair out, a troubled look on her face. You’re still alive and healthy, eating and sleeping like you’re supposed to. But that’s it, other times you just merely glance at the windows, immersed in your own spiral of thoughts.

Before your manager’s hands decide it’s time to go bald, she spots some tuff of light gray hair.

“You come, at last!!!” Is that tears on her face? “You’re his acquaintance, right? Please do something, this is their room”.

The boy was baffled by your manager, dark circles clearly evident under his eyes. “A-Ah, yes, I’ll try my best” He says before reluctantly twisting the door knob.

“H-Hi, It’s been a long time. Do you remember me? I’m Atsushi Nakajima from the Armed Detective Agency.” He seems to be nervous, fidgeting his hands and gluing his eyes to the floor. 

“I-I heard that you refused to leave the hospital, are you not feeling well? Ha ha, what am I even saying, you’re sitting right here.” He laughed it off, then a sigh escaped his lips. “I know that you’re feeling distressed and I understand, since he is also someone very important to me. We’re going to hold Dazai’s funeral in several days, do you think you can come?”

Upon hearing Dazai’s name, you whipped your head at Atsushi. He yelped, taken aback by your abrupt movements and your catatonic gaze. If you could see your eyes at the present, you’ll notice how it is devoid of any sparks, like gemstones that have lost its glimmer, like a bottomless abyss where emotions cease to exist. Similar, isn’t it? Alike to his eyes the first time you met, alike to his eyes on that specific night when he concludes there’s nothing in this world to hold him back.

Did he think you are not enough of a reason?

Before those ideas take over you, and before Atsushi could react, you close your eyes. “Thank you, Atsushi. I’ll attend the funeral, you can send the invitation to my manager. Please leave now.”  Your voice was calm but determined, leaving no rooms for objection.

After you hear a soft thud, you turn your head to the window again. And this time, you let yourself be devoured by those guesses and assumptions again.

As the unceasing cold and incessant raindrops knock on your face, it breaks you out of the scrambling voices in your head and the numbness of your body.

Ah, where are you again?

You eye the scene in front of you, a gingerbread man pointing at the grave and yelling insults while the staff try to calm him, a boy with choppy charcoal hair coughing and faintly muttering something along the lines of he can’t be defeated that easily. All of a sudden, you catch a glimpse of a short male wearing a brown hat and your legs move on their own before you even give it a second thought.

“Ranpo”. He looks at you with a serious expression. “You know the reason why, don’t you?” It took all of the air inside your throat just to utter those words out of your dry lips. “Why did he-”

“I think you will be the best one to answer that.”

He walks away, and instead of untying the knots, his statement only adds more to the confusing mess in your head.

“Y/N.” Atsushi steps up to you. “Dazai told me to give this to you, so it must be something important.” He opens his arm to reveal something shiny.

Right, of course it’s important, it’s the key to your shared apartment.

Click clack

The fluorescent light lit up your whole bedroom, uncovering the voluminous but dusty merchandise and memories.

The walls are full of posters, with the biggest one being the elegant and cottage themed photoshoot of Dazai holding your hand and kissing your knuckles. The bed and shelves are stuffed with handmade merchandise from a fan petition after they saw the chibi drawing Dazai had of you on him all the time. There’s even a shirt with your face printed out that his yellow-haired colleague threatened to rip off when Dazai wore it to work.

What day is it? Honestly, you can’t recall, you didn’t care to. You take out your phone that was tossed aside since the concert, the battery was concerning low. Well, today is-

One unseen message from Osamu Dazai

Just six words, but enough to make your thumb trembles with fear in order to press on the screen.

For a moment, there was only pure and thick silence in the room, then continual and hollow laughters attempting to take over, just to be absorbed by the denseness of the walls and agonizing sobs and incoherent whimpers.

If death take my hand-

It did, and now you’ve left pieces of you in me that if I tried to pull it out, it would just cause more unbearable pain and draw me with prodigious nostalgia on its path-

I would hold you with the other-

You said we’d clutch our hands and be in each other’s soothing warm if we commit double suicide. You said if we go down, then we go down together. And look at what you did, completely go against your words-

And my love will lead me to you everytime.

Osamu, the dead can’t return, and so do you. This isn’t even funny anymore. You silly, stupid, cruel, heartless, insensitive, bastard, liar-

You can keep crying and crying, until your voice is hoarse and your eyes are heavy. But there will be no one to alleviate your suffering or distract you by making a fool of themselves. No one, not anymore.

A/N: This is my first work, I tried to keep a serious tone but the longer it get the more my goofy side tried to win over. Guess I can't write angst seriously ¯_(ツ)_/¯. Also English isn't my first language, so sorry if there is any the grammar mistakes.

Anyways this is a poor attempt at thirst traps of Dazai falling of a building. You can see that I never watch thirst trap before lol.

Imagine you're crying over your lover's death but your fans made thirst traps of him dying 😐.

[soukokumychildren]

New Year's Toast

Chuuya raises his ear feathers at the first indication of their clients, which, most notably, were actually all their friends, along with some of the Port Mafia invited over to have a good time. It was the last day of the current year, after all. Everyone was filing in, women with beautiful dresses that matched personalities and looks alike, men with tuxedos and tight suits, occasionally some with slicked-back hair.

Chuuya watched the guests come in one by one beside Dazai, who tucked his ear feathers for his eardrums not to be ruptured upon the arrival of a plethora of footsteps and voices. Gin was the first to hurry over in a rush, blushing as she apologized for being under-dressed. "What are you apologizing about?" Chuuya asked, his feathers neatly tucked and cleaned before he'd arrived. "You look beautiful, sweetheart." The redhead said kindly with a toothy grin. "T-thank you…I really don't deserve the praise." "Nonsense, you look good. We'll start hosting the drinks in a bit," Dazai cut in, leaning closer to Chuuya and slightly hunched over to meet Gin's eye-level somewhat.

"I hope you don't mind me bringing Akutagawa over." She added quietly, fiddling with her fingers, noticing the jolt in Chuuya's stature. "It's fine," The avian spoke, eyes flicking up to watch Atsushi scrambling as he tried to hold Ranpo back from heading over to the desserts set on a long table beside the dinner table. "Besides, we invited the Port Mafia Black Lizard ourselves. It's completely fine," Chuuya added, waving it off as if to wave the wafting worry from Gin beside him. "A-alright. Thank you. I'll go find him now," She said, her distress quickly vanishing as she smiled to the two. She almost went away entirely, then coming back. "You two look wonderful by the way," She bowed before parting and vanishing into the crowd.

"I better hope I do," Chuuya said, looking down at his sleek black trenchcoat with golden trimmings, his breast pocket peeking out with a golden locket, a small. decorative bird attached to a loop underneath. His wings had golden chains at the tips loosely hung but snug enough not to cause issues, gleaming with a few sapphires to match his eyes here and there. A dark blue tie encrusted with golden threaded vine adorned his chest, and tucked underneath a dark gray suit. Of course, tight black jean pants paired with his outfit, the curve of his ass perfect (Dazai was iffy about this one, adoring it but then backtracking at the possibilities others might stare, and of course, he was a possessive bastard, and decided fuck it, and to let his husband show off a little). "What about me, Chuuya?" Dazai asked, giddy to receive any scrap of praise. The redhead snorted. "You look dashing," He spoke, mimicking a lavishing tone to tease his partner. "So rude." The brunette huffed, exaggerating by leaning his head back and sighing. His outfit composed of a jacket slung across his shoulders, black with gold trimmings, somewhat similar to the plaid pattern, but just the line work, rather than colored in squares. A chain attached with a star-shaped clip from the front of the jacket, connected to his dark brown suit, a long red tie (not-too-subtly hiding the matching ties with Chuuya) with similar markings to Chuuya's remained untucked and reached about waist-length. His pants were a light gray, matched with black shoes. "You're saying I'm not handsome, then?" The brunette asked, blinking his remaining brown-red eye, the other having lost its color long ago when it was gouged out by an unsuspecting opponent, a long scar running from his eyebrow to the corner of his mouth. Chuuya rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you're hideous. It's why I've spent basically all my life with you," The redhead snorted.

Dazai made a sound that bordered on a sob, pressing the back of his hand dramatically to his forehead. "Betrayed! By my own husband!" "Quit it. Atsushi's coming over," Chuuya glanced over to the boy who was nervously trying to approach. "Oh, and plus, when are we gonna toast to the New Year, already?" "In a minute. Hey, Atsushi!" Dazai greeted as the Were-tiger joined them. "H-hey guys. Wow, you two look amazing." Atsushi admired them, eyes sparking from the dazzling gleam of the gold on Chuuya's outfit. "I-I need help finding Akutagawa, if you don't mind," He began, but Dazai had an idea; quickly going to the dinner table and cutting him off short, a small section where cups were stacked next to a collection of wine bottles, grabbing a bottle, a silver platter, and a stack of cups, handing them to Atsushi, who wasn't at all ready to handle the extra weight. "Great! I was just wondering how we could get drinks out to everyone, and you can surely find him this way." Dazai spoke cheerfully, oblivious to Atsushi's shaking knees, prone to buckling. "For Arahabaki's sakes, Dazai, warn him first." Chuuya scoffed when the brunette smiled at him, taking the extremely heavy wine bottle off the platter. "This is a 1967 edition, huh? Heard this brand was good…" When Atsushi seemed to have gotten his wits about him and rearranged himself, Chuuya placed the bottle back on the platter, but the boy was prepared for it, better balanced now, then having the responsibility thrust upon him so suddenly. "E-erm, I guess I'll find him this way, then," Atsushi said weakly, pursing his lips. "I'll see you guys later." The redhead slightly waved, watching the Were-tiger gingerly disappear in the crowd of guests, just like Gin had. "Now we wait, I guess." Chuuya hummed, grabbing two spare glasses and filling them with a whiskey with a warm, orangey-hue, glistening with streaks of sunset yellow. It poured smoothly into their glasses, and Chuuya, from a refrigerated box half underneath the table, scooped some ice with a metal, curved scoop into his drink, then looking to Dazai. "Want that shitty circular ice you always get?" He asked, pressing his wings more firmly to his back to see the man's reaction. "Always." Chuuya mumbled under his breath of how much space the ice really took, leaving barely room for any liquor, yet doing his partner a favor by picking a rather large one, just as Dazai preferred. Handing his drink to his partner, they sidled up close to one another, eyes roaming over the tide of multi-colored heads of brown, gold, black, and red, fitting the cozy atmosphere of the yellow and orange surrounding the ballroom Chuuya and Dazai rented for the night. "Wanna head to the window? They'll be able to see you better there," Dazai jeered, nudging Chuuya's shoulder and nearly knocking the drink out of his hand, earning a sour look from the redhead. "Can you minimize the short jokes for one evening? Is that an impossible task for you or some shit?" "Hehe. You know me so well." Dazai bumped his hips with Chuuya's teasingly, before taking lead to a staircase that ended at a large set of glass doors, revealing the night sky behind them. Once they neared the top, they saw from their standpoint everyone had glasses filled with some sort of alcohol, some of them nearly drained of all their contents. Chuuya looked to Dazai. "How should we get their attention?" "Yell, of course, Chuuya. You have an unmistakable voice for a tiny Chibi, after all. I'm surprised for someone your size can fit your highest volume." Dazai said with a Cheshire-cat grin, his jokes getting shittier by the minute. "Sigh. Well, cover your ears."

"OI! ATTENTION EVERYBODY!" He shouted, so loud that it nearly echoed in the entire ballroom, within seconds capturing everyone's attention. Eyes trained on the two. The redhead's scars itched but he ignored them.

"It's been a great pleasure to invite you all here tonight," Chuuya said, loud and clear, keeping a tight hold on his glass. "This year, as many others, have been one-of-a-kind. I'd like to thank everyone here for being a part of that, friend or foe, for most of us have changed for the better for it. I have high hopes for the upcoming year, for myself, my partner, and all the rest of you. I'm sure, just as the many before it, will be just as great, if not better." A hushed silence gathered below, listening to Chuuya's speech. Some of them smiled. Chuuya raised his glass. "A toast, if you will, to the new year." Dazai beside him raised his glass. And everyone, other than the few among them that were underage, raised their glasses. "To the New year for the Stray dogs." "To the New year for the Stray dogs!" Yelled the courus of all the others below, the clinking of glasses creating a small song as others began laughing joyfully. Chuuya turned to Dazai with a wide, closed-mouth grin, his eyes gorgeous and sparkling, breathtaking, the ocean after a storm; a sight to behold. "And to us," He said, much quieter, his feathers bristling. "A new year to Double Black," He agreed, their glasses clinking together, liquor rising and licking the lips of the glasses, the ice bumping into the side. "A new year to Double Black," Chuuya reciprocated, and both drank, reminiscing the moment before it washed away into mind-numbing fun, and likely, succumbing to chaos for the rest of the night.

Happy New Years to everyone! :D I'm thankful to the mutals and the followers that have been following me since I joined Tumblr, and it's been pretty cool so far, so I hope for many years to come, I can stick on for a little while longer. Enjoy the rest of tonight, and see you next year in hopes for some more exciting content ;)

To the Stray Dogs! 🥂 ;D

[sickficideas]

bella notte || akutagawa sickfic + atsushi and dazai

ao3! 6.5k - please refer to the tags and notes in the link for content + warnings!

Dazai knows it's not a good sign when Atsushi calls him an hour before midnight.

Truthfully, he's not doing anything particularly fulfilling or important. He had actually just finished an undisclosed amount of time staring at the ceiling without any intention of sleeping, like he does most nights, occasionally interrupted by his cell phone - so, really, it's good timing. Someone is giving him something to do.

He reaches for his cell phone, already knowing from the kitten ringtone he chose for Atsushi that it's him. He's not too worried. Atsushi doesn't have very good sleep habits himself, and he's called late for pointless questions and such before, so that's what he's expecting.

However, the shaky tone of voice he answers with immediately puts Dazai on edge.

"Are - are you still awake?" Atsushi stammers nervously almost as soon as Dazai picks up, without any room for him to say anything.

"I answered your call, didn't I?" Dazai asks as he sits up.

Atsushi pauses for a second. "Well - I know, but I don't want to disturb you if you're trying to sleep, I -"

"I wasn't," Dazai assures him. He really wasn't. He never sleeps before midnight, willingly or unwillingly, and even if he was, Atsushi sounds incredibly distressed. He wouldn’t favor sleep right now anyway. "What's going on?"

"Can you come to the agency?" Atsushi murmurs quietly, too quickly.

"The agency?" Dazai repeats.

"I couldn't take him to a hospital. I don't know what to do," Atsushi mumbles frantically. Dazai is slowly putting the pieces together. Whoever this is, is someone who should never be at the Agency to begin with.

"Take who?" he confirms, just to keep Atsushi honest.

"A -" Atsushi stops, like he's not sure he should be having this conversation, but Dazai has already connected the dots. And Atsushi probably knows that, too, because he's whispering now. Like he thinks he's in trouble. "Akutagawa."

"Atsushi," Dazai huffs. Now it's real, and not just a theory, so he actually has to deal with it. "You brought Akutagawa to the agency?"

"I know, I - I just, he's really sick, Dazai, and I couldn't…I couldn't -"

"I'll be there soon. I'm leaving now," Dazai tells him, rubbing both hands over his face as he sets his phone back down. "Do what you can until I get there."

Atsushi mumbles something resembling a confirmation before he hangs up reluctantly.

Maybe he should have just continued his very important activity.

…

"I'm here. Where are you two? The infirmary?" Dazai says as soon as Atsushi picks up the phone. He lets himself in with the keycard and starts to head that direction anyway. Normally, he wouldn't let something like this bother him, but he has a lot of unanswered questions right now. He doesn't have time to play around.

"Um - yeah, infirmary," Atsushi mumbles, but Dazai can already hear his voice in person as he approaches the infirmary door, which has been left slightly ajar.

Atsushi looks beyond relieved to see Dazai. His eyes shine and he looks like he's about to completely unravel all of his thoughts and feelings about all of this, but Dazai prioritizes the situation, and Atsushi seems to realize that.

Akutagawa is lying on his side on the cot furthest from the door, miraculously, without his signature coat. That's interesting, Dazai used to have to pry it off him in these situations.

Akutagawa doesn't look good at all, but this isn't the first time Dazai has seen him like this. In fact, it's probably not even the tenth, or twentieth.

He's frozen, for a second, feeling like he's sixteen again - hovering over a collapsed fourteen-year-old version of Akutagawa with a temperature so high the dingy thermometer he managed to get ahold of without Mori’s knowledge wouldn't read it correctly. He's holding his breath. Remembering the feeling of hoping to not get caught, because whatever Mori would do to Akutagawa upon finding out would be his responsibility to carry.

He shakes his head to try and dissolve the memories he’d long forgotten.

"What happened?" Dazai starts, his hands on his hips. He can tell a few things right off the bat. He's got a bad fever, that's for sure - he's incredibly pale and Dazai can see how the sweat has started to form along his hairline too, parts of his bangs plastered to his forehead and other parts sticking up. Atsushi is frozen in place, looking completely unsure of what to do, where his hands should be, where to look. He’s worried. Interesting.

He pays close attention to the way Akutagawa breathes, because his lungs are always his biggest concern. The number of times he had contracted pneumonia while under Dazai's care was truly astounding, and he'd hate for that to be the case again, but he doesn't hear that rattle in his chest he’s gotten so used to.

"Akutagawa," he starts, tilting his head to the side.

"He's - I…I found him like this, I don't know how long he's been this way for," Atsushi stammers in Akutagawa's place as Dazai leans down to get closer to him. He's out of it, that's for sure, but he's not unconscious or beyond reach.

"Akutagawa," he says again with a sigh, kneeling down just a bit. He watches the latter's eyes focus as soon as the sound hits his ears.

"Dazai," he breathes out in return, not sounding particularly delighted to see him, but not against it, either. He's desperately trying to hold his focus, and Dazai decides he would rather not waste his limited energy trying to find out how he got here, and instead try to fix what's right in front of him.

Akutagawa subconsciously seems to tell him that's the right choice, too - his eyes suddenly screw shut and he groans, obviously in some sort of major discomfort. Atsushi scurries around to the other side of the cot, like he's concerned that he's in the way of whatever Dazai is trying to do.

"What hurts? Your chest or your stomach?" Dazai asks him. He's familiar enough with the way his face twists up to know that it's one of the two.

"Both," he breathes out. Atsushi looks surprised at the fact that he's willingly given up that answer. Dazai thinks Akutagawa knows very well that he won't get far at all trying to withhold information from Dazai.

"Have you thrown up today?" Dazai asks him. Akutagawa has the most sensitive stomach out of anyone he's met, so he really should just start forgoing that question in favor of the next. Akutagawa nods, though. Barely. "How many times?"

He just barely makes a four with his hand before he's hit with another wave of pain, it seems like, and he curls in on himself.

"Okay. Then we'll need to get some fluids in you. You’re definitely dehydrated," he says with a puff as he stands up straight.

Dammit. He hates doing this. He hates needles, he hates them on himself and he hates using them on other people, but he doesn't have any other choice. At least now, Mori isn't breathing down his neck and watching him like a hawk, but it'll always feel that way.

"I can do it, Dazai," Atsushi tells him. Dazai snaps his head up a little too quickly, wondering for a second if he said all of that out loud by accident. "Yosano showed me how when Kyoka was sick."

Dazai almost wants to brush him off, but the idea of someone else doing this sounds too wonderful to pass up. He trusts Atsushi. He's not the type to offer to do something like this if he's not confident he can do it correctly.

Akutagawa curls in on himself a little tighter, forcing his eyes shut tight too once Atsushi walks off to get what he needs. Atsushi talks to himself as he gathers the supplies, reminding himself the steps Yosano gave him and the order or what he needs. Dazai just keeps an eye on Akutagawa, who is still aside from the occasional cough and shiver.

“Does this look right?” Atsushi asks, showing Dazai everything he's collected on the tray. Dazai scans everything and nods, that looks right to him.

Atsushi sets the tray down on the nightstand and takes Yosano's stool, looking afraid to bark any orders at Akutagawa.

"Lay on your back, Akutagawa," Dazai tells him sternly, because he knows he won't listen if Atsushi asks him to. Akutagawa does as he's told without any deliberation aside from a pained groan. Dazai knows it's uncomfortable to lay that way with the way he's feeling, but he needs him to right now.

Atsushi takes Akuatgawa’s arm hesitantly. Akutagawa seems to pick up on that with how tense he holds his arm, fighting back on purpose, but Atsushi squeezes his arm in retaliation with a glare that's only mean to Atsushi himself, and adorable to everyone else.

Maybe not to Akutagawa, but it does enough to get him to give up.

"Don't…don't destroy my veins," Akutagawa murmurs as his arm goes limp and he turns his head away from Atsushi.

"You better shut the hell up, 'cause I could just toss you back out in the alley if I wanted to," Atsushi huffs, a far cry from how nervous he seemed to be doing this just a second ago. He seems to have remembered that Akutagawa is just as much of a coward as he is.

"Do it," Akutagawa grumbles. He's so sick and weak, and still has the gall to bicker back at him. Dazai huffs through his nose. It's a too-familiar sight. It always feels strange when Akutagawa reminds him of himself. The two bicker with each other like a ragged street dog and a house cat fighting over food.

"I won't," Atsushi grumbles back. "I'm not some heartless bastard."

That seems to quiet Akutagawa, for some reason. Maybe he agrees and refuses to admit it. Dazai isn't sure.

He watches Atsushi work, impressed to see he does this relatively well for only having been taught one time. Dazai looks away as soon as the needle becomes involved, and decides instead to make sure that he locked the door to the infirmary.

When he wanders back, Atsushi seems to have finished placing the IV and is now busy preparing the fluids on the IV pole, and Dazai's eyes drop back down to Akutagawa.

Dazai realized a little too late that Akutagawa likely only dropped his squabble with Atsushi because he's trying to will away intense nausea, but it seems like he's lost the battle. He tries to push himself up onto his elbows, and Dazai is certain that he's about to vomit, and Atsushi hasn't caught on. He takes the bin that was tucked away under the cot on the other side of Atsushi and holds it up under Akutagawa’s chin, figuring they can at least avoid him throwing up on the floor, just in time for him to choke up a few mouthfuls of stomach acid and bile. Of course he doesn’t have much at all to bring up.

Atsushi's frozen, eyes wide, clearly uncertain of what to do. Dazai isn't sure either. Akutagawa used to not let a soul touch him when he was throwing up. Something about his vulnerability complex, and he doubts much of that has changed, but Atsushi doesn't know that. He lays a hand on his shoulder.

Dazai freezes for a second, fully expecting Akutagawa to whip around and curse him out at best, and maybe decapitate him at worst, but all he does is flinch. Maybe he's distracted by the next unproductive gag his body forces, Dazai isn't sure. Dazai's now distracted himself, painfully aware of how much he's shaking, how painful the retching sounds.

"Stop holding your breath like that, it doesn’t help," Dazai tells him, and Akutagawa immediately takes in a shaky breath, like he had forgotten. He's not sure where that habit of his comes from, but it's resulted in him passing out before, so he has to make sure to get him to stop before that can happen. "When was the last time you had something to eat?"

Akutagawa doesn't answer, even though he very clearly heard the question. He just breathes shaky and heavy over the bin and spits up whatever is left in his mouth. Dazai will guess at least yesterday. Akutagawa has another habit of refusing to eat when he's nauseous, and Dazai knows for certain that's a habit he picked up from living in the slums.

He starts to slowly lay back into the cot with a shaky sigh, his head turned away from Atsushi, and Atsushi quietly takes his hand back, visibly a little concerned by what just happened.

"You know it hurts more when there's nothing in your stomach," Dazai says with a disapproving sigh. He's told Akutagawa this on multiple occasions. He knows the reason. Vomiting was simply another waste of food in the circumstances he had to live through before, in the slums. If he had any of the group's food and threw up, it would mean precious resources were wasted.

"I know," Akutagawa breathes out. Dazai imagines he'd roll his eyes too, if he had the energy.

“You should say something if you think you might throw up next time,” Atsushi chides with a nervous sigh. He connects the fluids line to Akutagawa’s IV.

“Stop telling me what to do. I’m not a child,” Akutagawa grumbles.

“Maybe if you quit acting like one, I wouldn’t have to treat you like one,” Atsushi grumbles and huffs through his nose back at him like an exasperated mother. He’s horribly stubborn, it really goes against Atsushi’s vibe, but he still puts up with it for some reason. Dazai almost smiles.

“Enough,” Akutagawa murmurs, sounding noticeably more tired than before. Arguing for no reason takes a lot of his energy, evidently. He shifts his arm from the discomfort of the IV. “I’m older than you, Weretiger.”

“Yeah, yeah. Like that’s ever mattered to you before,” Atsushi grumbles to himself. Akutagawa is certainly not one to consider seniority for any reason.

Atsushi finishes situating everything as Akutagawa shuts his eyes. Dazai doubts he’s truly trying to sleep, but he’s sure he’s been awake for much longer than necessary. Resting his eyes at the very least isn’t a bad idea.

Atsushi is doing a pretty good job looking after him, considering how much he’s been bickering.

Dazai stays where he’s at but sits back down on the cot beside Akutagawa’s, carefully watching his form.

“What should I do to bring his fever down?” Atsushi asks after turning around once, like he’s not sure what else to do, hands awkwardly floating in front of him.

“Cold rags or something. I’m pretty sure there’s some under the sink,” Dazai answers, and Atsushi nods, heading that direction right away. When Dazai’s gaze drifts back down to Akutagawa, he thinks he might have actually fallen asleep. He’ll see how long that lasts for, he’s not a heavy sleeper at all, but it might help Atsushi for the moment.

Atsushi comes back with a damp, cold washcloth, nervously reaching down for his forehead.

"Lay it over his stomach instead. It'll cool him down faster," Dazai insists. Back in the Port Mafia, he was in this situation so many times that he started testing to see what worked better. Akutagawa is so prone to random fevers. "Usually helps his nausea a little too."

Atsushi looks unsure. Dazai moves to the stool beside the cot and lays a hand over Akutagawa’s wrist to show Atsushi he doesn't need to worry about Akutagawa attacking him, even while unconscious.

"Are you sure? Don’t these usually go on foreheads?" Atsushi asks.

"He moves his head too much. A cooling patch would be better for that," Dazai says with a shrug, "but he'll complain. He doesn't like the adhesive."

"Well, he needs it, so he can shove it," Atsushi huffs. He really sounds like an annoyed mother. It's amusing, Dazai can't help but smile.

He keeps a hand over Akutagawa’s wrist, the other carefully lifting his shirt. Akutagawa flinches, likely not expecting that, but he relaxes after Atsushi slides the washcloth to lay over his tummy. He’s used to that. Dazai hopes it gives him some relief.

"Should we give him medicine?" Atsushi asks, sitting back down on the stool, unsure what to do from here.

"He won't be able to keep it down,” Dazai reminds him. When he’s sick like this, even if he cooperates, he usually can’t even keep sips of water down. They always come back up.

Atsushi frowns.

"Doesn't she keep injectable stuff here?" Atsushi suggests after a few seconds. It’s a good idea, in theory. “We could put it in his IV line.”

"She logs it. She'd notice it was missing," Dazai says. He knows enough to be able to figure out what to give him, but he doesn’t have any clue what kind of medications and treatments Akuatagawa is currently on.

Atsushi nods dejectedly, trying to think of another option, it seems. If there was one, Dazai would have already thought of it.

"Normally you wouldn't care," Atsushi points out, almost like it’s a test. A measure of keeping him honest, maybe.

“About what?” Dazai asks with a tilt of his head. Innocently. Atsushi doesn’t take the bait.

“Yosano catching you,” Atsushi says, his gaze narrowed, arms crossing over his chest.

Dazai’s surprised that he caught onto that, because he really hadn’t considered that himself, but soon enough, he realizes why. "Yeah…yeah, I know."

Dazai wouldn’t care if it was Kunikida. It wouldn’t matter if it was Atsushi, or even Ranpo, really. Not even Fukuzawa. But it’s Yosano.

He’s not sure why the idea of being caught by her sends a shiver up his spine. She wouldn’t do anything to him, no realistically. Is it because she’s a doctor? Dazai’s never liked doctors. He hates hospitals and needles and anything related, but Yosano has never hurt him. He’s imagining her. She’s at her desk, filing away some papers, but she turns around and it’s Mori’s face.

He remembers to breathe. Atsushi tilts his head. Dazai smiles at him.

He doesn’t really have anything to say back to Atsushi. That’s a first.

Atsushi drops it, though. He heads over to the supply closet after a few moments of silence to get a blanket for Akutagawa - a kind gesture - and lays it over him carefully, not wanting to wake him, if he’s truly still asleep.

Dazai’s still stuck in his own head, though, staring off into the corner, staring Mori right in the face.

…

Thankfully, Akutagawa is one of the easiest people to read when it comes to sleeping. His breathing is quiet and relaxed when he’s asleep, but it’s erratic and irregular when he’s awake, especially when he’s trying to pretend he’s sleeping.

And really, it sounds much worse than it should. Worse than before.

"I know you're awake," Dazai says.

He’s sitting on the stool, now. He and Atsushi switched spots at some point, and somehow, Atsushi ended up curling up on top of the sheets of the second cot and falling asleep. Dazai’s not cruel enough to wake him. He’s not going to sleep himself, either way.

"Why won't you leave," Akutagawa mumbles, his eyes opening, staring up at the ceiling. His voice has become hoarse, his eyes are still glassy, too. He hasn’t improved much. Dazai took his temperature about an hour prior, and it’s still sitting at one hundred and two.

"I'm not leaving you in my place of employment unattended,” Dazai scoffs. He’s teasing him, but Akutagawa never recognizes the difference.

"Do you think -" he coughs as he attempts to sit up, "do you really think I -"

He breaks into a coughing fit, because of course he does. He covers his mouth with his forearm, nearly choking on his breaths from how difficult it is for him to breathe.

Dazai just waits, because there's nothing else he can do. Chuuya's called him cruel for it before, but he'd rather not waste Akutagawa's time by patting his back or offering him water when neither will help him.

He’s faced with the image of a fourteen-year-old curled up in front of him and coughing so hard he can’t breathe, and suddenly, he remembers Atsushi’s hand on Akutagawa’s shoulder, just a few hours ago.

Was Dazai really in the right for that?

"Have you seen a doctor recently?" Dazai asks once Akutagawa’s coughing has died down, but it’s exhausted him so much that he lays back down with a frustrated huff. He doesn’t look good. His eyes tell more than Akutagawa would like them to, he’s sure. "About your lungs?"

"I don't want to discuss this in front of the Weretiger," Akutagawa grumbles, his eyes shifting to the latter’s sleeping form on the other cot.

"He's asleep. Don't avoid my question," Dazai tells him. Atsushi isn’t the type to fake being asleep to listen in on a conversation. He’s a bad liar. Akutagawa turns his head away from Dazai. "It's not good, is it?"

"No," Akutagawa admits. He won't look at Dazai.

"A year?" Dazai asks after a brief moment of silence. He can hear himself breathe.

"Less," Akutagawa says quietly.

Dazai wishes he could explain the way his heart feels. He doesn't fully understand it.

He's known for a long time that something was wrong. He initially assumed it was asthma. He personally dealt with that for a long time too, but when Akutagawa started fainting from getting so out of breath, and coughing up blood after coughing fits, Dazai slowly started to realize Akutagawa must be very sick.

Mori would know a way to fix it. Mori would know someone or something that could give Akutagawa more time, but alerting Mori of his condition could be dangerous. Not could be, it would be. There is no avoiding that fact.

Dazai would never want to put him through the horrors he went through, the things Mori did to him under the guise of trying to get the sight in his right eye back. He doesn't want to imagine the things he'd do to Akutagawa considering it's his lungs, not just an eye. He feels sick, suddenly sucked into a memory of Mori with a pair of hemostats and -

He shivers. He's so unbelievably torn.

"Does anyone know?" Dazai asks. He hates the shake in his tone. He does his best to hide it, but thankfully Akutagawa isn't one to pick up on subtleties like that.

"I haven't told anyone," Ryuunosuke manages with a shaky sigh, "I'm sure some have guessed."

Gin must know. While they've been separated for most of their time in the Port Mafia, Akutagawa was showing signs of his lung disease even before then. But even so, it says a lot to Dazai that Akutagawa refuses to tell someone as important to him as his sister. Gin knows things about him that even Dazai doesn’t know.

"You should tell someone," he says quietly, his gaze dropping down to the hands he’s stuffed into his pockets. "People who care about you. Your friends, at least."

"I don't have any friends," Akutagawa scoffs, as if it's ridiculous to assume such a thing. That’s the only brief moment he actually looks at him, like he’s trying to decide whether or not Dazai is joking.

"Really?" Dazai says, a brow raised. "Because Atsushi wouldn't call me in the middle of the night and beg me to help him take care of his enemy."

Akutagawa's eyes widen at the implication he's making there, clearly thinking

"He would do that. Because he's foolish. And his actions are entirely incomprehensible," Akutagawa murmurs, his voice getting quieter with each word he speaks. He coughs a few times, but no fits follow right after, thankfully. "I don't understand him, Dazai."

He sounds far away, in that moment, like the sentiment whisked him away into thought. His eyes even unfocus.

Dazai almost says something, but Akutagawa is whisked into a coughing fit before Dazai can finish any thoughts he might be having. It’s not as bad as the first one, at least.

“So you’re just determined to die without anyone around to even say goodbye, huh? Not even your sister.”

Akutagawa is quiet for a moment, and Dazai recognizes the irony in his words before Akutagawa calls him out on it. Not even the mention of his dear sister riles him up, and that tells Dazai he’s firm in his decision. “I don’t recall your plans being any different.”

Dazai just smiles.

"Close your eyes and get some rest. We need to get you out of here before everyone starts arriving in the morning," he reminds him, hands shoved into his pockets. He thinks he sounds a bit like Kunikida right now. "Take better care of yourself to make sure this doesn't happen again."

"You would laugh if anyone ever said that to you," Akutagawa scoffs.

Dazai almost smiles at the accusation. “I don’t like how self-aware you are, these days.”

“Hm.”

…

Only an hour later, when Dazai checks his temperature again, does he realize he needs to get Akutagawa home. They’re getting dangerously close to the time when others would start to arrive at the Agency.

Akutagawa hasn’t gotten any better, but the fever he has is steady at a hundred and two. Even so, he’s completely devoid of energy, with little to no reaction as Dazai takes his temperature and changes out the washcloth Atsushi placed.

Dazai lays a hand over Akutagawa’s forehead at one point, pushing his hair from his face, and even though his temperature hasn’t climbed, his skin feels worse - unbelievably hot. Akutagawa’s eyes even roll up to look at Dazai, but he doesn’t say or do anything. He can’t. He looks miserable.

“Dazai,” Atsushi says sleepily from behind him, shifting to sit up from where he is on the cot. He still sounds half asleep, but driven by a need for his question to be answered. “How is he…?”

“We need to get him home. I think he’ll do better if he’s somewhere he can let his guard down,” Dazai says quietly, hoping to be out of earshot of Akutagawa’s fever-riddled brain. Akutagawa’s still so tense, he can see it in his shoulders, the way his hands haven't flattened. He’d never relax in a place like this.

Atsushi is quiet for a moment, likely trying to wake himself up. He rubs his eyes and swings his legs over the side of the cot. “I still have…I still have the number of that woman he works with.”

“Higuchi,” Dazai recalls. Higuchi wasn’t in the organization during Dazai’s time. He doesn’t know much about her. Gin would be a better option, simply in getting Akutagawa to cooperate, Dazai’s seen him shut down around her too. Gin’s not an option regardless, he has no contact with her.

Atsushi scrambles for his phone and manages to find an old saved photo of Higuchi’s business card, given to him that first week he met her and Akutagawa. Dazai only gets a glance at the number before he dials it into his phone, and he steps off the stool and wanders to the other side of the room just in time for Higuchi to answer.

She’s silent for a second, like she’s suspicious of who’s calling her. He’s surprised to have an answer, although, it isn’t unusual at all for a Port Mafia member to be up at this ungodly hour.

"You're -" she starts to hiss, but Dazai doesn’t let her finish. He doesn’t have the time.

"Akutagawa is at the Armed Detective Agency and needs to be brought somewhere he can rest. Can you take care of that?" Dazai asks sternly, a chill traveling up his spine, thinking he sounds a little too much like he did four years ago.

“What? That’s…that’s where he is?” Higuchi stammers, her tone suddenly much softer. “Is he hurt? You-”

“Hurry or I’ll find somewhere else to put him,” Dazai huffs, and hangs up before the woman can get in a response.

He doesn’t have any doubts that Higuchi will be here as soon as possible. As far as he’s aware, she’s incredibly loyal to Akutagawa, beyond that of what most subordinates are.

Atsushi has moved to the stool beside Akutagawa’s cot, carefully leaned over him with a tense, uncertain expression coming over his face. He turns his head to give Dazai that same uncertain look.

“He looks worse,” Atsushi murmurs quietly. “You think he’ll be okay?”

Dazai just nods. Akutagawa has gotten sick and recovered hundreds of times at this point, and there’s no way he would let it finally bring him down here of all places, despite the help of his so-called enemy. He certainly understands Atsushi’s concern. He isn’t used to seeing him like this.

Thankfully, it’s not long at all until Higuchi arrives, calling Dazai’s cell phone back to alert them that she’s here.

Akutagawa isn’t able to move, much less walk downstairs with them to make it to her car. Dazai looks around for some kind of temporary wheelchair they can use for him, he’s almost certain he’s seen one in Yosano’s office, but before he can, Atsushi offers to help.

“I think he’s too out of it to try anything,” Atsushi says, looking over Akutagawa. “I’ll carry him. That’d be the fastest.”

Dazai nods, surprised Atsushi is suddenly offering to do something like that, despite all of his hesitancy to touch him earlier, but Dazai agrees. Akutagawa hasn’t even spoken a word since their conversation while Atsushi was asleep. Even though his fever hasn’t climbed, hopefully because of the fluids and the washcloths, he certainly feels much worse. And for Akutagawa, it takes quite a bit to truly silence him.

So, Atsushi slides his arm under Akutagawa’s neck and knees, looking a little surprised by how light he is, and brings him to the door. Dazai picks up Akutagawa’s coat, knowing they won’t hear the end of it if he doesn’t get that back.

Higuchi’s car is parked right outside the agency. She stands outside of her car with a sour expression, ready to tear into whoever speaks to her first, but it slides off like water to show a deep concern - horror, almost, like she thinks Atsushi is carrying a corpse. She doesn’t waste any time in opening the passenger car door and laying back the seat for Atsushi to lay Akutagawa onto. Her body language has changed completely, now aware her superior is in fact alive, but confused and scared all the same.

“Be careful that his fever doesn’t get any higher. It’s at a hundred and two,” Dazai tells her as soon as she looks to him, silently begging for some sort of explanation. He hands her Akutagawa’s coat. “He’s not injured, but very sick. Don’t let him get worse.”

“I - I won’t,” she says, nodding fervently. He thinks she’s deciding whether or not to say thank you, watching Atsushi click in Akuatgawa’s seat buckle with zero retaliation from the latter. He backs away before Higuchi carefully closes the car door, and Atsushi doesn’t look any less concerned than he did before. “You…found him, Weretiger?”

Atsushi nods.

“We haven’t been able to reach him for several days,” she says quietly, and Dazai realizes he must have been hiding on purpose. Atsushi is lucky to have found him. “I don’t understand why you would go out of your way to help him, but…thank you…”

Atsushi looks like he wants to say something, even though he’s unsure of his response, but Dazai turns and starts to walk back to the Agency door. Atsushi pauses for a second before he turns on his heel to follow Dazai, not able to gather the courage to say whatever it is he wanted her to hear.

Dazai hears her car’s engine start up before they close the building door behind them, and he trails back up the stairs, with about half an hour to spare until their Agency members’ arrivals.

"Dazai," Atsushi starts as they ascend the stairs, him trailing closely behind Dazai. "You're used to taking care of him."

“You could say that,” Dazai answers vaguely. He’s trying to decide if the two of them should go back to the dorms for ten minutes of sleep, but he knows he won’t catch any himself anyway. Might as well stay at the Agency.

"Was he sick a lot?" Atsushi asks as they make it to their floor.

"He was. Bad immune system, awful at taking care of himself," Dazai says, opening the Agency front door to let them into their office. He turns on the light, squinting as his eyes re-adjust. "Nothing's changed, seems like."

“He told me something,” Atsushi murmurs after a brief pause, like it’s not something he’s sure he can say. “About his health.”

Dazai’s shoulders drop an inch or two.

He’s told Atsushi. No one but Atsushi.

Dazai almost wants to laugh. What are the odds, that he would choose to tell Atsushi, of all people? Akutagawa says he doesn’t understand Atsushi, but Dazai is having a difficult time comprehending Akutagawa’s actions, at the moment.

“I don’t know if he thought he was gonna die, or…or why he’d want hide from all of them,” Atsushi says quietly, gaze averted when Dazai turns around to look at him. Dazai understands it. Akutagawa hates how delicately he’s treated on account of his health. He can’t stand others worrying about him. He can certainly imagine Akutagawa hiding away once he truly thinks he’s at the end of his life, like a stray dog looking for a hole to die in.

“You didn’t find him,” Dazai realizes, taking note of the change in body language, the subtle hints he’s given through his words, “he came to you.”

The street dog going to the house cat for help.

Atsushi has nothing to say to that, it seems.

Atsushi situates himself at his desk, straightening it out from the day before, quietly and to himself, still not quite focused and obviously tired, but Dazai’s glad he got a little bit of sleep, at least. He can feel his own eyelids start to feel heavy, but he needs to make sure the infirmary is clear of anything that might arouse their resident doctor’s suspicion.

So, he gets to work. Cleaning up any sign of Akutagawa’s presence. The cot, the IV pole, the IV catheter supplies. Atsushi peeks in and asks what he can do to help, but Dazai assures it won’t take him long at all, and Atsushi’s head disappears.

He’s rolling the IV pole back to his original place when he sees another form appear in the doorway, but it’s not Atsushi. Dazai holds his breath.

Yosano stands in the doorway with a huff.

"Do I even want to know?" she starts.

"Hm…probably not," he answers with a nervous half-smile, meeting her gaze just as he closes the closet supply door. She’s arrives just a second too early. Their doctor is a detective as well, he remembers, and likely would have figured it out no matter what.

He wishes Atsushi would have kept Akutagawa at his apartment, but it’s too late now. He would have had to sneak out supplies from here either way.

"Are you and Atsushi safe?" she asks, heels clicking against the cold floor as she enters the room. She’s closed the door behind herself, and Dazai leans against the supply closet door, feigning nonchalance.

Dazai nods.

"I don't like you betraying my trust,” Yosano says. He's not used to this tone in her voice. It's dark and it reminds him of someone he doesn't want to think about. He doesn’t see Agency Yosano right now. It’s ex-mafia Yosano, ex-military Yosano. Ever since she’s learned Dazai’s history, she’s been on edge with him, but she was never entirely comfortable with him before then.

"Won't do it again,” he says. He's trying to sound as casual as he can, but he's sure she can see right through him. He feels Mori staring at him. Not necessarily through Yosano’s eyes, but somewhere, here in this space. He needs to sleep.

Yosano raises a brow. "How do I know that?"

"I don't think you're heartless enough to want to send even your enemies to Mori for medical treatment, Yosano," Dazai tells her, more than aware she’s already figured out exactly who was in her infirmary.

"Surely it wasn't serious enough for Mori to need to intervene if you took him here," Yosano says. “You knew what you were doing. He taught you just as he taught me.”

He feels sick, hearing that.

"His doctor is in Kyoto and refuses to come treat him here. And tonight he needed help sooner than he could make it there," Dazai says. His chest tightens.

“You’re lying,” Yosano says. “Atsushi is here. He called you and asked you to help.”

Yes, she’s still a detective.

“I don’t know how long he has left to live. He has a terminal lung disease he won’t give me any information on,” Dazai huffs. “I don't want his last few months to be at the mercy of Mori's unlicensed experimentation when I can easily help him myself with what we have here. Maybe you'll agree."

Yosano’s expression changes completely. Like he’s told her something that he couldn’t possibly know about, unless -

“Dazai, did he…were you - ”

“Are we done?” he asks, already kicking himself for the shake in his tone. He just smiles. Smile and pretend nothing about this makes him want to bolt through the door and jump out of the window.

She pauses for a second. Dazai is begging and praying she doesn’t finish that question, because he doesn’t want to answer, but he thinks his reaction has probably been answer enough.

“Yes. I’m sorry,” Yosano says, her gaze dropping the floor, looking conflicted, angry with herself. “You can go.”

And, he does.

He manages to keep himself together long enough to avoid some sort of breakdown, manages to push away any thoughts or awful memories when he walks into their locker room, face to face with Kunikida, who looks concerned, but more confused.

"Dazai," Kunikida starts.

He really doesn't have the energy for an act right now. Even thinking about it hurts the muscles in his cheeks.

"Can I go home?" he asks quietly. He's exhausted. He wants to at least try to sleep, even though he’s certain he’ll get very little of that.

"I was about to ask you to," Kunikida says, closing his locker. "What happened?"

"Long story," Dazai answers. Kunikida gets the memo, and doesn't seem to want to continue questioning. Dazai’s beyond thankful for it. He doesn’t want to recount any of that. He’s far more content with coming in the next day and pretending he and Yosano are best friends with absolutely no shared history, that they don’t know a thing about what the other went through.

“I’ll bring you lunch later,” Kunikida says, thumbing through a notebook he had pulled from his locker.

It’s really a terrible time for a tear to slip from his eye. He didn’t have any idea he was close to crying. He must be ridiculously sleep-deprived.

“Dazai,” Kunikida says again, this time, with a tight grip on his wrist. “I’ll take you home. Okay?”

Dazai can only nod.

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

Hi! I just saw your recent dazai x reader post and saw that the request is open soooo I want to request something.

Uhh if by any chance you know Tokyo revengers could you do Reader as Emma Sano? Dazai as Draken and Ranpo as Mikey like the scenario takes place during the prison arc and the vampire thingy and during that time Reader died the same way Emma Sano died and she was killed by Fukuchi in order to weaken the ADA and Dazai was informed by Ango about her death , you know just some good ol angst ehehehehe. I hope this request somehow makes sense and Thank you in advance! 🥰(⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Last Soul

Summary: They swear as they see, she will be the last soul they will sacrifice for the battle. Dazai x Fem!Reader ft Ranpo's SisterMasterlist Tysm for the request! I have watched tr a little and I mainly surfed the web, Hope this doesn't disappoint you, I tried to co-relate both the scenarios as close as possible! Hope this fulfill your request

Atsushi and Y/N were on the way escaping Fukuchi, Akutagawa helped them escape, but on a cost of what? His life.

Everything was spinning and going to fast. They merely escaped the attacks by Fukuchi. Y/N couldn't help out much except for the fact she didn't contribute much of defense and combat skills.

She was didn't own any ability, just like her brother Ranpo, who was too denial to say he didn't own one too.

They were running through the forest with Poe's book in hand which had her brother trapped.

This was going to much for her, she wanted to live normally for god sake.

It happened so fast.

One moment she was beside Atsushi running away, and the next moment her body lied on the ground beside where Atsushi stood.

She was injured by Fukuchi's sword.

It came ripping through the thin air, and before either of those two could react, the sword pierced through her body and Y/N could react nothing but cough blood as she fell down in the pool of blood that was hers.

Ranpo didn't know what to say

He came out of the book solving the mystery to see his sister, lying on the ground as Atsushi stood still. He caught the light of the sword that reflected in his eyes, knowing damn well what had happened. He dropped on his knees as his body weakened to see his sister's body on the ground.

"Atsushi What happened...?"

"I AM SORRY RANPO-SAN THE SWORD JUS-JUST CAME THROUG-GH AND-D"

"ATSUSHI PICK HER UP WE NEED TO REACH YOSANO......DONT WORRY Y/N"

Ranpo was beyond angry.

Y/N seemed to gain conciseness when they reached near the base, and Ranpo was relieved a little, but his happiness didn't seemed to last long as she took her last breathe almost saying 'take care' right at the entrance, smiling.

Silence.

That was what could they all hear. Eyes diluting, tears streaming down as a silence scream escaped Ranpo, as he stared at his sister, who's soul completely slipped her body, which now was dropped on the ground, where Atsushi regained his human form.

" Tell me this a sick joke you pull Y/N, You know Dazai Loves you back right? Y/N-" Ranpo said, his voice cracking as he spoke.

"Y/N please, wake up you wanted to start a family right? With Dazai, and you even thought so far on picking the colours of the walls for your kid, Please Y/N, you cant throw away all of this you cant-" Ranpo's voice cracked, as he held his sister's body in denial.

Atsushi could only place a hand on ranpo's shoulder as a sign of comfort, unsure of the next motive of either parties.

Ango, Who watched the scene unfold, didn't say much but still shed a tear, knowing well he had to be professional in the battlefield.

Now the problem for Ango was, to convey this message to Dazai.

As the usual time passed, Ango sat once again to decode and code the messages between him and Dazai

Sending the coded Message to Dazai, Ango could only hope that this doesn't change the direction of the war.

Dazai didn't know how to react.

Y/N L/N was dead. The Y/N who he spent time with, who actually cared for him other than his late friend Odasaku , and The Y/N who he never confessed his love to.

"Say Dazai, didn't you hear it yet?" Fyodor smiled, who sat across him in another cube smiling wickedly seeing his enemy in denial.

"If this didn't exist, I would have made sure you didn't see another day" Dazai announced as his head slowly raised up and you could see the maniac beast he held close rise up, little by little just like it had when he made his first kill.

"I will make sure you pay the prize of this act Fyodor Dostoevsky, she will be the last soul sacrificed for this battle."

Help i went through my notes the other day for this request and

Welcome Dazai Sazai

[booksandpaperss]

tell me about both of the sskk wips please

I was hoping you’d ask about those <3

for the post singularity sskk:

I was actually planning to straight up gift you this one whenever I got around to finishing it! I imagine it will be a 2-3k type oneshot when it’s finished (unless I get carried away), basically I wanted to explore how I picture their relationship directly after defeating the singularity together. it’s a getting together fic, atsushi pov, and it’s making me feel all soft just thinking abt it LMAO

here’s the summary:

In the aftermath of, well, everything, Atsushi is horrified to find that he no longer hates Akutugawa. Like, at all. 

and a snippet of dialogue bc I’m so niceys to you:

“Why did you hesitate?”  “Are you serious? How was any of what we just did hesitating–” “No, you absolute fool. I mean earlier, when you fought me. You could’ve won, you had a clear shot, but you didn’t take it. Why?”  “...I didn’t realize you remembered any of that.”

for the one where they try to set up skk:

this one would definitely be chaptered, and I actually have the whole thing fully outlined and it’s way more detailed than I remebered making it lolll

it’s in a sort step by step guide type structure, currently titled something along the lines of “atsushi’s harrowing step by step struggle of trying to get his mentor back with his (more or less out of his league and also vaguely terrifying) ex boyfriend”

the concept is mostly crack and humor w some character study mixed in, and despite the premise it’s much more shin soukoku than soukoku focused 🙏 skk is mostly the plot device here and also I wanted sskk to clown on them

here’s the summary:

Dazai’s birthday is coming up, which Atsushi only found out by asking Ranpo mind you, and he really wants to do something nice for his mentor (despite how insufferable he can be). The only problem is that everytime anyone from the ADA actually tries to do something nice for Dazai, or even compliment him, he gets this really strange blank look on his face before either turning around and walking away or just fully ignoring that the gesture even happened. Atsushi is determined though, so he decides he needs to take the indirect approach, and forms a temporary alliance with Akutugawa to help Dazai get back together with his ex from the port mafia that he’s so clearly not over. This… goes about as well as one might expect it too.  Or, the one where Atsushi and Akutagawa, in an attempt to matchmake their emotionally constipated mentors, accidentally matchmake themselves (instead). 

and since the summary is lengthy as it is I technically don’t need to give u a snippet but I will anyway bc I know u are desperate 🫶

Kyouka does a single blink, and then says something even worse, somehow. “Is this about Akutagawa-san?”  “What?” Atsushi nearly pinwheels backwards before he manages to reign himself in (with Kunikida sending him a dirty look), because how did she know? Not that– well yes he was technically thinking about Akutagawa, but it was purely for practical reasons! If he was going to set Dazai up with someone from the port mafia, then he was going to need someone from the port mafia. And it just so happened that Akutagawa was who he most comf– ah, the only person he could feasibly reach out to. Really, Akutagawa was Atsushi’s only option. That was the only reason he was thinking about him at the moment.  

okay I hope that satisfies you for now bc I have no earthly clue when these will actually be out. mwah 🫶🫶